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For all the Nurses

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A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate
funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service. Following the
eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled
inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in
the beautiful heart forever. At that point,
one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just
thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.

I think I posted this before, but maybe some of the new nurses hadn't heard it---I told it at the retirement party for our old OB/GYN- I thought that the old Italian was going to swallow his cigar....
alright, oldtimer...now ya started something...here goes!!!

why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
because it took off too much skin if kept in the freezer...

You know you're a nurse if....
you beleive KY jelly is optional
you beleive every patient needs TLC: thorazine, lorazepam, compazine
you think ativan outta come in aerosol form...to be kept in the nurses station
you'd like to find the inventor of the call bell....in a dark alley!!
your sense of humor gets more warped each passing year
you can only tell time using a 24 hour clock
you find yourself using medical "shorthand" while writing thank you cards
your family refuses to watch ER with you anymore because you constantly criticize how they do things "wrong"
you have told a story in a restaurant and had a patron at another table throw up
you notice that you use more 4 letter words now than you did before you became a nurse
you don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your childs
you told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if he needed help (WHO? me!!!!)
eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly okay
your find yourself unconsciously checking out the veins in the arm of the person in front of you in the grocery check out
you've sworn you're gonna get "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest!!

help me out nr and australian cattleman....you both know where i am coming from!!!!

From my experience you know you're a city Visiting Nurse if your children beg you to
"carry a piece" !

You're list was right on target, Ranchwife!
I'm too slow off the mark this time of the day ranchwife. nurses sure have many stories to tell. I've just had an elderly couple visit from over two thousand kilometers away (about 1200 miles that is) She is 77 and had nursed in the remote tropical north of our country up in the pointy bit of north Queensland. The stories she had to tell only country nurses could identify with.

My grandmother used to tell stories about all the home remedies they used and doctoring they did....The one I remember the best is when several young Indians got too much firewater and decided they were going on the warpath again--they rode into a homesteaders place where the husband was gone and started to ransack it- the wife thru herself and two kids on two old workhorses bareback and rode hell bent for leather for safety....

They rode into a shack where grandma was cooking for a work crew.. After several miles of bareback on a sweaty horse the kids behinds were plumb raw-grandma didn't have any salve, but then thought butter would be soothing on the wounded parts...Except she forgot about the salt in the butter....I could almost feel it as she told me the story.........
My Aunt an experinced nurse often patched up our wounds with humor, the one I remember most was after getting bucked off my horse, ran over and kicked in the chest, I thought I broke every bone in my body, after limping back to the house she looked at the perfect horse shoe imprint on my chest and exclaimed that it was the coolest bruise she ever saw, and if it scarred I would be a real hit in high school. I was soon laughing so hard it hurt worse then when the horse was kicken me.... Guess she figure if I could still walk I must have been okey. :lol:

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