Faster horses
Well-known member
But you guys can read it too. (Caught ya, didn't I?) :wink:
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied, "No peer pressure."
--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.
--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's
license
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week "
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
out.
---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
body are just prone to swinging.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker
---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!!!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
grow old because you stop laughing.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied, "No peer pressure."
--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs.
--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's
license
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week "
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
out.
---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
body are just prone to swinging.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker
---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!!!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
grow old because you stop laughing.
................good luck