IRISH SMILES - Only the Irish have jokes like these:
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a
terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't
you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a
thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
*****************************************************
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving
violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to
drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife
fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."
*************************************************
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an
accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda.. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm
sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at
least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a
terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't
you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a
thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
*****************************************************
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving
violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to
drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife
fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."
*************************************************
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an
accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda.. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm
sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at
least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
