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For Oldtimer

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Feb 15, 2005
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IRISH SMILES - Only the Irish have jokes like these:

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just

been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,

his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that

to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a

terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't

you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a

thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."


An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving

home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving

violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to

drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding

his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife

fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I

thought I'd gone deaf."


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim

Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But

where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an

accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda.. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm


Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout

and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at

least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Love the Irish jokes- I worked several years with an Irish partner and an Irish County Attorney that was born in Butte-- always looked for more Irish material... Had to get away from them before they ruined my liver-- To them St. Patricks day lasted a week....only guys I knew that looked for a holiday to celebrate-- First time I had ever heard of annually commemorating Pearl Harbor Day--Irish partner celebrated it by "getting bombed".
HEY...what about the rest of us who like irish jokes??? "for oldtimer"...i'm trying to NOT be offended :wink: :wink: :wink:
ranchwife said:
HEY...what about the rest of us who like irish jokes??? "for oldtimer"...i'm trying to NOT be offended :]
Top of the mornin'.Only because he posted some good ones St Paddy's day.

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