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Harsh parenting: Any suggestions or advice from experience?

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nr

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We've been observing a dad who seems overly harsh with his son, not physically but nit-picking at him, belittling him in public unnecessarily, that sort of thing. The son is a good student, polite and helpful just gets excited with life like grade school boys do. The boy is not destructive and is pleasant, doesn't back-talk.

Any thoughts from how you were raised? I'm not sure how we can intervene but it has us both concerned.
 
nonrancher said:
We've been observing a dad who seems overly harsh with his son, not physically but nit-picking at him, belittling him in public unnecessarily, that sort of thing. The son is a good student, polite and helpful just gets excited with life like grade school boys do. The boy is not destructive and is pleasant, doesn't back-talk.

Any thoughts from how you were raised? I'm not sure how we can intervene but it has us both concerned.
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I'm not sure why but dads tend to be harder on thier boys then girls.....gregs brother finally came right out and told greg to lighten up on our son....greg really seemed surprised he was being tough on Dustin. It sure helped...greg and our son are great buds now. I guess what I'm saying,maybe try the direct approach,like greg the Dad may be surprised by his own behaviour
 
First I say that I'm a better grandparent than I was as a parent. It takes a lot of patience to be a good parent and as they say "it's amazing how smarter dad got as I got older".
I think that when I started working and training cutting horses I learned a lot. There are a lot of similarities when working with kids and horses. I used to rule both with the "stick" approach and I learned that you can't beat loyality, trust, and discipline in to either. You have to lead, coax, and set an example for them to follow. Fear wll only go so far. My dad told me when I was having problems with one son that "you can only discipline someone who will allow you to".
In this case, since it appears this is not your child, tread carefully. If it is severe enough for intervention let the authorities do so. If not, suggestion is about all you can do. Good luck for all involved.
 
cutterone said:
First I say that I'm a better grandparent than I was as a parent. It takes a lot of patience to be a good parent and as they say "it's amazing how smarter dad got as I got older".
I think that when I started working and training cutting horses I learned a lot. There are a lot of similarities when working with kids and horses. I used to rule both with the "stick" approach and I learned that you can't beat loyality, trust, and discipline in to either. You have to lead, coax, and set an example for them to follow. Fear wll only go so far. My dad told me when I was having problems with one son that "you can only discipline someone who will allow you to".
In this case, since it appears this is not your child, tread carefully. If it is severe enough for intervention let the authorities do so. If not, suggestion is about all you can do. Good luck for all involved.
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Good Words cutterone
I thought I was GOOD until I added training "Cow Dogs" - I had to learn to control my VOICE also...
Dog can read alot in your voice

I Train Animals and They Have Trained Me
 
Try treating the dad like he does his son...be nit picky.and be little him in public...When he tells you to back off ,look at him and say...now you know how you kid feels with you on his back 24/7....Soon that kid wont be a good kid,after trying so hard for so long and never getting any of the glory,people quit and become defeated,and after that most never recover to find what was once a very successful and confident approach to life....
 
Mrs.Greg said:
nonrancher said:
We've been observing a dad who seems overly harsh with his son, not physically but nit-picking at him, belittling him in public unnecessarily, that sort of thing. The son is a good student, polite and helpful just gets excited with life like grade school boys do. The boy is not destructive and is pleasant, doesn't back-talk.

Any thoughts from how you were raised? I'm not sure how we can intervene but it has us both concerned.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure why but dads tend to be harder on thier boys then girls.....gregs brother finally came right out and told greg to lighten up on our son....greg really seemed surprised he was being tough on Dustin. It sure helped...greg and our son are great buds now. I guess what I'm saying,maybe try the direct approach,like greg the Dad may be surprised by his own behaviour
Click to expand...

I agree with Mrs Greg. Ya know, as I was readin this thread, the thought came to my mind, ya just never know what things may come into our paths. It could be that your meant to say somethin to this dad. And since you felt strong enuff to ask our opinions, I think that its weighing on your mind enuff that you feel you should say/do something. If you're meant to, the opportunity will present itself.
 
Kids, horses, dogs, they just can't be picked on over and over or soon they think "to heck with it" and don't try any more. I'm sad to hear what is happening to this boy and my heart goes out to him.

I really think you should take the father aside and present it in a kind way.
What is happening could cause this nice boy to never have any confidence in himself and ruin his self-esteem.

Wonder why the dad is doing it? Where is the mother?
 
I agree with Mrs Greg. Ya know, as I was readin this thread, the thought came to my mind, ya just never know what things may come into our paths. It could be that your meant to say somethin to this dad. And since you felt strong enuff to ask our opinions, I think that its weighing on your mind enuff that you feel you should say/do something. If you're meant to, the opportunity will present itself.
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...makes sense to me.........
 
Hooks said:
I agree with Mrs Greg. Ya know, as I was readin this thread, the thought came to my mind, ya just never know what things may come into our paths. It could be that your meant to say somethin to this dad. And since you felt strong enuff to ask our opinions, I think that its weighing on your mind enuff that you feel you should say/do something. If you're meant to, the opportunity will present itself.
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...makes sense to me.........
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:agree:
 
One approach would be to have a casual conversation about kids in general, and maybe tell a little story about someone who constantly put their kid down, without even knowing they were doing it, and how it affected that hypothetical kid. Don't name names or point fingers, just tell a story to make him think.

Perhaps a light will come on.

There is little that is more destructive to a child than to think their parents don't think they are good enough. Pretty soon they believe it. And then they either rebel or shut down. After all, if your own Dad thinks you're no good, how could anyone else think you are. Parental approval and unconditional love are the very foundation of a happy childhood.
 
how well you know the Dad will determine how/if you intervene...If he's a good buddy,sit him down and have a talk.If he's not,then your choices are limited.Faster horses asked about the Mom...thats a good start,if she gets treated the same way as the boy,I'd suggest a midnight intervention with a knotted plow line.
Not all folks can be reasoned with and you might just make matters worse for the the lot of em.
 
When Dad's nag,belittle and nitpick their sons they're just preparing them for marriage LOL. kids are like cows the easiest to raise are your neighbors. There are alot of kids who are ignored by their parents too which is far worse than some harsh words.
 
I know from my experience that parenting is way harder then I ever thought it was going to be. In my opinion how do any of us think that we are a better parent then others when we don't know what the end product will be. I've seen people say that person is to strick, that one to lax, that one to open, that one trying to dictate every part of their child's life. I think a lot of parent's are either just doing the best at the job they are capable of or parenting in the style they grew up in. I guess it's hard to know when to stick a nose in someone else's business. Is is just being hard on the kid or is it crossing into the lines of abuse? Abuse doesn't always have to be physical to qualify as abuse.
 
Northern Rancher said:
When Dad's nag,belittle and nitpick their sons they're just preparing them for marriage LOL. kids are like cows the easiest to raise are your neighbors. There are alot of kids who are ignored by their parents too which is far worse than some harsh words.
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LOL....true words of wisdom. Probably not alot of gang bangers and druggers that have a strict and caring dad at home.
 
nonrancher said:
We've been observing a dad who seems overly harsh with his son, not physically but nit-picking at him, belittling him in public unnecessarily, that sort of thing. The son is a good student, polite and helpful just gets excited with life like grade school boys do. The boy is not destructive and is pleasant, doesn't back-talk.

Any thoughts from how you were raised? I'm not sure how we can intervene but it has us both concerned.
Click to expand...
You describe what sounds like a pretty good kid.....maybe the dad isn't doing too bad of a job. Do you know how they interract when not in public?
 
For some reason I just don't get it. Parenting was probably the easiest job I have ever had. The kids seemed to always know the right thing to do. Sometimes I think they raised me because I learned so much. My kids seem to be well adjusted. My daughter has a super job she likes and enjoys life and is up to challenges. My son has done great in College and is seems to get job offers constantly and is quiet but never met a stranger.
 
Thank you to all for your collective wisdom which comes from many different perspectives. We appreciate all the comments and warnings.

We're praying about this delicate situation as it appears there are some other stresses in the family going into the "mix".

Isn't that Life- never one problem at a time!
 

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