Big Muddy rancher
Well-known member
One day my housework-challenged husband
decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted ! to Me, "What setting do
I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions
tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you
stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy
came to them and said that because they
had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the
world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had
airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30
years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
__________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
! ________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
___________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they
need to wipe.
_____________________________________
Q: What is the difference between men and
women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
__________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"
!
__________________________________
Send this to five bright, funny women you
know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have
enough sense of humor to take it!
decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted ! to Me, "What setting do
I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions
tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you
stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy
came to them and said that because they
had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the
world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had
airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30
years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
__________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
! ________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
___________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they
need to wipe.
_____________________________________
Q: What is the difference between men and
women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
__________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"
!
__________________________________
Send this to five bright, funny women you
know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have
enough sense of humor to take it!
