Big Muddy rancher
Well-known member
Subject: Fw: Why God Made Moms
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> Even Dads will find this funny.....REALLY
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> Why God made moms: answers given by elementary school age children to
> the following questions... Be sure to read the story at the end.....
>
> Why did God make mothers?
> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
> 2. Mostly to clean the house.
> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>
> How did God make mothers?
> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
> 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
> parts.
>
> What ingredients are mothers made of?
> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice
> in the world and one dab of mean.
> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
> string, I think.
>
> Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
> 1. We're related.
> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
>
> What kind of little girl was your Mom?
> 1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
> bossy.
> 3. They say she used to be nice.
>
> What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
> 1. His last name.
> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
> drunk on beer?
> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
> to chores?
>
> Why did your Mom marry your dad?
> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>
> Who's the boss at your house?
> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
> goofball.
> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
>
> What's the difference between moms and dads?
> 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to w ork at work.
> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
> 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
> that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
> Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
>
> What does your Mom do in her spare time?
> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>
> What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
> plastic surgery.
> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
>
> If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
> rid of that.
> 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
> did it and not me.
> 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
>
> THE MOMMY TEST
> I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something
> off the ground a nd started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
> from her and I asked her not to do that.
> "Why?" my daughter asked.
> "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,it's
> dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
> At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
> "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
>
> "Uh," ..I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the
> Mommy
> Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
>
> We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
> pondering this new information.
>
> "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be
> the daddy."
>
> "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
>
> When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom.
>
> Too cute!
> "Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous
> look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
> He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
> girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked
> quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
> Church was pretty much over at that point...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Even Dads will find this funny.....REALLY
>
>
>
> Why God made moms: answers given by elementary school age children to
> the following questions... Be sure to read the story at the end.....
>
> Why did God make mothers?
> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
> 2. Mostly to clean the house.
> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>
> How did God make mothers?
> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
> 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
> parts.
>
> What ingredients are mothers made of?
> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice
> in the world and one dab of mean.
> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
> string, I think.
>
> Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
> 1. We're related.
> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
>
> What kind of little girl was your Mom?
> 1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
> bossy.
> 3. They say she used to be nice.
>
> What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
> 1. His last name.
> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
> drunk on beer?
> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
> to chores?
>
> Why did your Mom marry your dad?
> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>
> Who's the boss at your house?
> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
> goofball.
> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
>
> What's the difference between moms and dads?
> 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to w ork at work.
> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
> 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
> that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
> Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
>
> What does your Mom do in her spare time?
> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>
> What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
> plastic surgery.
> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
>
> If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
> rid of that.
> 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
> did it and not me.
> 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
>
> THE MOMMY TEST
> I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something
> off the ground a nd started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
> from her and I asked her not to do that.
> "Why?" my daughter asked.
> "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,it's
> dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
> At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
> "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
>
> "Uh," ..I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the
> Mommy
> Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
>
> We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
> pondering this new information.
>
> "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be
> the daddy."
>
> "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
>
> When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom.
>
> Too cute!
> "Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous
> look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
> He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
> girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked
> quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
> Church was pretty much over at that point...
>
>
>
