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More Hypocrisy and Ambiguity

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For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he
knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she
told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his
hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threaten
to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish
his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he
has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through
bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at
those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk
about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest
drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you
still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to
have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead
of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three
times does he become disoriented?

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