• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

My favorite joke

H

Hereford76

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2005
Messages
1,163
Location
North Central Montana
Maybe some of you have heard this but it is my favorite and I love to tell it. One bad word in this joke but it just isn't the same without it. So if you object to that don't read it.

OK - I usually tell this joke in an Scottish accent... so try and read it with and Scottish accent in your head.

Last summer I went on vacation to Scotland and my first night in town I wandered down to the local pub. I pulled up a stool at the bar, ordered a beer, and struck up a conversation with the bartender. Out of the blue the old man sitting a couple chairs down from me bellars out "Hey laddy, did you see that peirre on your way into the pub tonight?" I told the old man "Yes, I even took a walk out on it to enjoy the view." The old man responds "I built that pierre with my own two hands... a lot of blood and sweat went into that pierre... it took me two whole years to build, its the grandest pierre in all of Scotland. But do you think they call me McCracken the pierre-builder - NO!" And with that the old man buried his face back in his glass. So I carried on my conversation with the bartender and after ordering another beer the old man pipes up again "Hey laddy, did you see that stone fence on your way into the pub tonight?" I answered "Yes, I walked right along it for atleast 100 yards. The old man yells out " I built that stone fence with my own two hands... a lot of blood and sweat went into that fence... it took me five years to build and it is the grandest fence in all of Scotland. But do you think they call me McCracken the fence-builder... NO!" And with that the old man turned back to himself. Another 1/2 hour goes by and the old man stands up and walks up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder and yells out "Hey there laddy, you see this bar your sitting at?" And I said "yes I see it I'm right here." And right as I finish the old man replies" Well I built this bar too with my own two hands.... a lot of blood and sweat went into this bar... I made every inch of this bar by hand and sanded her down and varnished it to a tee... its the grandest bar in all of Scotland...but do you think they call me McCracken the bar-builder - NO!" The old man hesitated for a second to catch his breath and looked back and says "But you f*** one goat!"
 
I hear that joke on a tour bus one year - everyone was getting board so we started telling jokes on the load speaker. The guy that told that joke had the best accent and I tell you I have never laughed so hard at a joke.
 
A preacher came out to preach a sermon to the cowboys on a ranch one sunday morning.But, when he arrived there was only one cowboy standing there.The preacher said to the lone cowboy(Where are all the cowboys this sunday morning)And the lone cowboy preceded by saying how this sunday morning that nothing but trouble had busted loose on the ranch and every available cowboy had been called up on to attend to this disaster.The lone cowboy had been left to explain to the preacher where all the cowboys had gotten off to.The preacher thought for a moment and said he didnt quite know what to do since this lone cowboy and him were the only ones there.The lone cowboy thought for a minute and said(Well mr preacher if i was sent out to feed the cattle and only one cow showed up id be dang if i wouldnt feed just that one. The preacher thought how wise this cowboy was and began to deliver one of the best sermons he had ever given to this lone cowboy.About two hours of sermon the preacher finished and asked the lone cowboy what he thought about the sermon.the cowboy studied for a moment and then said (You know i said if only one cow showed up out of the herd that i would feed her,But mr preacher i would be damned if i would give her the whole thing).
 

Latest posts

Back
Top