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My yearly vent, unsolicited and unwelcome USDA survey

S

Soapweed

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
16,264
Location
northern Nebraska Sandhills
As usual, the big bulky survey from the USDA came recently in the mail. It is sixteen pages of B.S. that I don't have the desire to fill out. It will take several hours of grasping at straws to come up with the information they think they need to know.

This survey wouldn't be all that hard to fill out if they (the USDA) could wait until I get my information back from my accountant, usually around the 1st of March. Until then it is only a scientific wild-muled guess anyway. To add insult to injury, they have enclosed a $20 gift certificate ATM card for my efforts. My time isn't worth much, I'll admit, but anything I hire done seems to cost quite a bit. Even my good son who welds for a living charges $40 per hour for his efforts, and I consider this money well-spent. I would rather fill out the survey for free than get "underpaid" and bribed for my endeavours. :roll: It's about like when they (the USDA) wanted me to sign up my ranch premises and offered to give me a $20 pair of vice-grips if I signed the ranch away.

Usually the survey says it is "not compulsary" but I don't see anywhere on it where it says that this year. It does say, "Your operation has been selected to be part of the Nebraska sample," and "Your response is crucial to ensure that Nebraska producers are properly represented in the national results." This song and dance is the same every year. Why can't they pick on someone else to be their sample?

Thanks for letting me vent. Any suggestions?

If anyone wanted to send some cheese to go with my whine, that would also be appreciated. :wink: :-)
 
it seems that once you fill out a survey you will get hundreds more,i also dont beleive then info is confidential,one of my friends sent one in saying he had 20000 chickens,he has never had any,but he started getting ads in the mail advertising chicken equipment :roll:
 
Soap I am with you on this, Dad never filled one out and I haven't either. Dad got a call from the census one time while we were calving and told him if he didn't fill it out he could be put in jail. His response was great it is cold as hell out here and you better send a dozen or so idiots like yourself out here to calve these cows while I sit in a nice warm cell with hot meals.
 
We get the calls from Statistics Canada usually at meal times and you are to pull all your cattle numbers and crop acres out of your head. I try my best and hope things add up in the end. When they are done they ask if the information can be shared with the provincial governments and I say NO. They tell it stops them from calling and I tell them if this is confidential they won't know I said NO. Some people really push for me to say yes but some just chuckle and seem to understand. :D
 
If you got yours mine's probably in the mail. I'll probably do like Dad did and put down something on the forms, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on it. Kinda grates me like town people asking how many cows I run, thats a little like asking how much money I have in the bank. Some things are nobody else's business.
 
Several years ago I got this letter from TX Livestock Health ....., stating,
you have been computer randomly selected to TB test your cow herd. Had to run all cows thru the chute twice, didn't even get a pair of vice-grips. :mad:
 
I had the long survey several years ago and didn't fill it out. The Ag census folks were nice enough to send an idiot to help fill it out. I decide in the futue I will but down WAG information.
 
My main bone of contention is that this survey would be relatively easy to fill out, and the results would be quite accurate, AFTER I get information back from my accountant when income tax has been filed and paid. Until then it is a shot in the dark, not to mention a large hassle trying to compile figures that mean anything.
 
Keep it at hand, Soap and fill it out AFTER you get the information.
Send it in then, or hold it and wait to send it in next year when you get the request. :shock: It'll take them 3-4 months to do anything about it
on their end anyway.

I'm serious. That's exactly what I would do.
 
Hello?

Yes this is XXXX - can I help you?

Survey?

Not sure what you are talking about.

Can you take me off the list please - I do not like to do telephone surveys.

Oh yeah - sorry - I thought you were a telemarketer type.

I think I remember that one that came before - that big old stack of paper that came a bit over a year ago?

Yes I filled one in a year or so back - but I never did see anything from it.

No I have not had one delivered to me this year.

Are you sure you sent it to the correct address?

Are you sure you have the right place?

Who did you send it to?

Who did you send it to again?

What was that address you sent it to again?

Can you talk a bit slower - I am having a hard time hearing you - this telephone line is really bad out here.

Let me get a pen and paper.

(make them wait about 5 minutes while you have a sip on a cup of coffee)

Hi - I am back - who is this again?

How do you spell survey?

What is your name please?

How do you spell it?

Can you spell it again - a bit slower please?

What is your telephone number?

where are you calling from? Where is that anyways?

What is the address again?

Can you tell me why you are calling me again please?

I am not too sure how to fill them survey things out - the last one was completed by my neighbour because he can read real good. I can - but only a little.

Is there a lot of big words that I have to read?

No my neighbour moved away a couple months ago.

He is unemployed.

He told me that under the new Prez's financial plans - his company closed and all jobs went to China or Mexico or maybe Canada I think.

Where are you calling from again please?

You know you have a pretty voice? Can you sing? Do you like Elvis Presley songs? (Man or woman this always stops them for a minute)

I bet you could sing all day and no one would get tired of your voice.

Why don't you come out and help me with this survey?

Be sure to come here when it is dry because the roads are darned near impassable when it rains and sometimes you might have to stay on the ranch for more than a week.

Can you help me get my road fixed?

Can you send someone out here to help me?

Can you pay a friend in town to help me?

It would be cheaper to send out the town clerk to help me than sending someone from your company out here and it would save the government some money.

She knows the way out there - she comes to collect the tax money sometimes - but she always comes with a couple of men who work for the county.

She is real pretty too. Wish she would come out here alone. We could drink some whiskey and maybe even have a dance in the front room. I have a real nice radio.

Your man would need to be here before the ground thaws or I will be in the field - can he drive a tractor?

If he comes tell him to bring some whiskey because I am always running out.

Well you can always send it to the firehall I suppose - I have a friend who works there sometimes and he will bring it to me.

I think his name is Sparky

Ok, thanks for calling - hope you have a real nice day .......

Bye now
-----------------------------------------------------
And yes, this does work - I do it all the time. And yes my military human reliability factors folks know I do this - and I still have a security clearance.

To enhance the experience for the caller, suck on a big hard candy or chew on something the whole time you are talking - the caller will truly enjoy the experience.

I can only imagine what some people think of me. 8)

BC
 
That was good, BC.

Maybe try this one next time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

BC probably can't watch this, if out of Country, but the rest will enjoy it.
 
Am I hearing things, or does the one guy on the video sound like
Jim Thompson (Sturgis, SD radio announcer)?

That was funny.

I forgot about a guy here who gets telephone survey calls;
he listens to their speil, then he says, "ok, I'm ready, and here's where you
can send my check"...and he proceeds to give the caller his address. Then the caller usually says something like "What check?" And the fella says,
"Well, you get paid to call me and do this survey, don't ya?"
The caller says "Yes."

"So", says the guy receiving the call, "if you get paid for asking
me questions, I should get paid for answering them. And here's where
you can send the check."

He says it works every time. :P :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
I agree with that FH. I always ask how much they are paying and it's usually a deal breaker. We had a research company phone this week to set up an appointment for next week a 30 minute interview to do with livestock for which they will pay me $100. I can squeeze in a few jobs like that over the winter given the pay :wink: :D :D
 
Grassfarmer said:
I agree with that FH. I always ask how much they are paying and it's usually a deal breaker. We had a research company phone this week to set up an appointment for next week a 30 minute interview to do with livestock for which they will pay me $100. I can squeeze in a few jobs like that over the winter given the pay :wink: :D :D
Click to expand...

What research company ?
 

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