on my father's dying

[Chuckie]

i have never shared these with anyone except my kids, and that's only if they happened to come across them in the desk. so here goes: my Memorial Day tribute to my Dad. (we can't even go into Mom yet.....)

Do you drift backward in time?...
to joyous days:
summer picnics, smiles and laughter,
so innocent,
so full of living-joy.
do you hate to see such in your grandchildren,
knowing all you have is slow-motion
(yet far too fast)
days,
tipping inexorably toward the last one?



Dad-
I COULD not say "Good-bye".
i remember you saying that you'd
said your good-byes to Uncle Jim.
how does one do that?
i'm not ready for you to go.
i want more time.
i'm greedy, i guess.
the thought--the realization-
that i'll never see you alive again
blows me away.
it's incomprehensible,
even seeing you so thin and ill.
and knowing, logically,
that there is no hope for your life.

i want to take you away,
i want you to go outside,
hear the geese calling
take deep breaths of 60* air in December.
the house feels so empty
waiting, dying....

well-that's all i can stand tonight--tears aren't good for the keyboard

 

[Hanta Yo]

So very sad. I haven't had this experience yet. When I read what you wrote, I just felt "huh", and felt your hurt but nothing I can say can make it better. Hope you get over this soon...

 

[Chuckie]

you never get over the loss of your mom or dad--the best you can hope for is to rationalize it, i think. i miss them both,every day, to varying degrees. the loss leaves a hole that never really gets filled up--but that's life.

i tell my kids that the rule is that i die before they do--simple rule, even THEY should be able to "get it". Right? :?

 

[nr]

Chuckie,
I was sorry to hear you are going through grieving. There is no easy road in that region. But verbalizing helps a bit. Your memorial to your father was moving.

 

[Jinglebob]

Good poem/prose.

I guess I'm lucky. Dad had a stroke at 78 and we had him at home for 6 months and then Mom put him in a nursing home. When he died a couple of years later, it was pretty easy to accept. as I could only get to see him about once a week and most times he just wasn't there. I realises later that they kept him drugged up to handle his occasional onrnreyness and not wanting to be there. I was mad for awhile untill I put myself into their shoes. I was mad at my Mom for putting him there untill a few years ago and finally realized what it must have been like for a woman the same age as him to try and do all of the care with a little help(lot from my wife) from me.

When Mom went last spring, she was almost 90 and took care of her self right up to the end. Went to the hospital on Thursday and had pnemonia(sp). She wouldn't wear a face mask for the oxygen and knew what would happen if she didn't. She died Monday night with her family around her. I would wish everyone to have as quick and peaceful of an ending.

Maybe I'm religous, but I figure they are back together along with their family that has gone on. To me, death is mearly a door into another grand adventure. I miss them but know I will see them again and they will again have prepared a place for me.

Hope you get thru' your sorrows Chukie. You have my deepest sympathy.

 

[Chuckie]

these were written 9 years ago,guys, and the pain has eased. but with Memorial day tomorrow, it's time to say again, i think, that there are indeed our parents and grandparents who have such an influence on us. this trickles down to our own kids (in a good way, we hope. but not always); my mom and dad were really good parents--i often imagine asking them a question about "what to do", then imagine their answer. it's usually common sense.

i tell both the kids, and believe it myself, that mom and dad are kicked back on the edge of that cloud, swinging their feet and laughing at my trials and tribulations, saying "there's some payback, mom!", "yes, John, there's that. but she's not doing TOO bad!"

we can't forget where we came from--without that, how do we know where we can go? i do miss my parents every day, one way or another. but i try to honor them also, every day, somehow. half the time i'm not really aware of doing it, but i do.

have a great one everyone! treasure what you have (and the gang on here will) while you have it

 

[ranchwife]

Chuckie!! yup....brought more than a few tears to my eyes My mom has been gone 6 years now (death was sudden and still stings) and my beloved "dad" has COPD so bad that walking from the kitchen to the bathroom is like climbing mount everest for him!! I know in my heart that he does not have long and the thought of losing him tears me apart.....he is only 57!!! The poem was absolutely beautiful....Thanks!!

 

[Chuckie]

ranchwife--COPD brings me to what i've suddenly been faced with. had a MAJOR asthma attack 2 1/2 weeks ago--hadn't had one for over 30 years, and it took me 2 days to figure out what i was doing. still don't know what brought it on, but i'm suddenly taking 3 drugs/day, just to breathe somewhat normally. it's scary, not being able to breathe.

i know, you just wish you could breathe for him (i found myself trying to blow on my baby boy's food tonight to cool it off--he's not so little--and he gave me this look like "hello??? i'm a grown-up now"--and all i could say was "just tryin' to help you out honey"... )

good luck with your dad--i know how hard it is... at any rate, pick his brain while you can. lol