redneckcowgirlmn
Active member
>PONDERISMS
>
>* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
>people die of natural causes.
>
>
>* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
>removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out
>of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
>
>* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
>a replacement.
>
>
>* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
>
>
>* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
>
>
>* Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>
>* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
>
>* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
>
>* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
>you
>still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
>
>
>* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
>dying of nothing.
>
>
>* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
>talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
>
>* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
>
>
>* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
>attention to
>criticism.
>
>
>* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
>world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>
>* How is it one careless match can s tart a forest fire, but it
>takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
>* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
>squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
>
>* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
>gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
>
>
>* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>
>* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
>him?
>
>
>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>
>* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
>
>* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
>mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out
>the window?
>
>
>* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
>faster?
>
>
>Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
>
>* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
>people die of natural causes.
>
>
>* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
>removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out
>of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
>
>
>* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
>a replacement.
>
>
>* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
>
>
>* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
>
>
>* Life is sexually transmitted.
>
>
>* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
>
>
>* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>
>
>* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
>you
>still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
>
>
>* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
>dying of nothing.
>
>
>* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
>talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>
>
>* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
>
>
>* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
>attention to
>criticism.
>
>
>* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
>world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>
>* How is it one careless match can s tart a forest fire, but it
>takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>
>
>* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
>squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
>
>* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
>gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
>
>
>* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>
>* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
>him?
>
>
>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>
>* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
>
>* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
>mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out
>the window?
>
>
>* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
>faster?
>
>
>Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
