• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.


Help Support Ranchers.net:

Angus Cattle Shower

Well-known member
Feb 25, 2005
Reaction score

Considering all the broken-hearted women who once thought that "Joe
Millionaire" was rich, we thought we'd offer some advice to the ladies...

1. He picks you up in a backhoe.
2. Waiter: "Would you like the filet mignon, sir?"
Your date: "Uh, is that anything like the Filet-O-Fish?"
3. His tuxedo cummerbund is actually a rolled-up Home Depot apron.
4. Those two hotels he owns? They're on Park Place and Boardwalk.
5. Claims he earned his vast wealth trading "lap-dance futures" on the
"Nookie index."
6. Technically, he *is* a millionaire -- if you include calories consumed
at an average McDonald's visit.
7. On the way to the Motel 6 he bummed a quarter for the truck-stop condom
8. Instead of lighting cigars with $100 bills, he lights farts with food
9. "No thanks. I prefer my fish eggs scrambled."
10. His knowledge of things French is limited to fries, toast and
11. His pithiest comment at the art gallery: "Christ, these high ceilings
would be a bitch to drywall."
1. He picks you up in a backhoe.

I guess you haven't bought a backhoe recently?

"I saw an interview on TV where this one old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all that money. He kinda scratched his head and said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."

" :twisted: "A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural South Dakota He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Rancher's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly Rancher rode up on his horse and asked him what he was doing.

The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old rancher replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here. "

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S. ; and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. "

The old rancher smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in South Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the Dakota Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is this three-kick Rule? "

The rancher replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up. "

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old rancher slowly climbed down from the horse and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the rancher's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn. "

The old rancher smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck. :twisted:
Angus....haven't seen alot of millionaire ranchers or farmers lately, have you?! :) not around here, anyway...and ONLY if they are big money, corporate owned!!! :wink: :wink:

Latest posts