Soapweed
Well-known member
>
> SINGING WITH
> THE LUTHERANS
> by Garrison
> Keillor
>
> I have made fun of
> Lutherans for years - who wouldn't, if you lived in
> Minnesota ? But I have also sung with Lutherans, and that is
> one of the main joys of life, along with hot
> saunas and fresh sweet corn.
>
> We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their
> excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of
> speed and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and
> cheese. But nobody sings like they do.
>
> If you ask an audience in New York City , a relatively
> Lutheranless place, to sing along on the chorus of
> 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore', they will look
> daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their
> underwear. But if you do this among Lutherans they'll
> smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down
> the road!
>
> Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part
> harmony. It's a talent that comes from sitting on the
> lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the
> harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that
> person's rib cage. It's natural for Lutherans to
> sing in harmony. We're too modest to be soloists, too
> worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the
> key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all
> two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling
> moment.
>
> I once sang the bass line of Children of the Heavenly
> Father in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it;
> and when we finished, we all had tears in our eyes, partly
> from the promise that God will not forsake us, partly from
> the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joining in
> harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each
> other.
>
> I do believe this: These Lutherans are the sort of people
> you could call up when you're in deep distress. If
> you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're
> lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're hungry,
> they'll give you tuna salad!
>
> The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran
> who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he
> saw or heard:
>
> 1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die
> if asked to pray out loud.
>
> 2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a
> new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
>
> 3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the
> hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are
> there.
>
> 4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will
> feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
>
> 5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles,
> especially during their stewardship visitation programs or
> when passing the plate.
>
> 6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's
> choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
>
> 7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from
> crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
>
> 8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the
> Third Sacrament..
>
> 9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an
> LC-MS groom make for a mixed marriage. (For those
> of you who are not Lutherans, ELCA is Evangelical
> Lutheran Church in America and LC-MS is Lutheran
> Church-Missouri Synod, two different divisions of the same
> Protestant religion.. And when and where I grew up in
> Minnesota , intermarriage between the two was about as
> popular as Lutherans and Catholics marrying.)
>
> 10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after
> their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
>
> 11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a
> meal at church.
>
> 12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are
> totally factual.
>
> 13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the
> proper liturgical color of the season and think that
> peas in a tuna noodle casserole add a little too much
> color.
>
> 14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at
> themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
>
> And finally, you know you're a Lutheran when:
>
> *It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still
> have coffee after the service;
>
> *You hear something really funny during the sermon and
> smile as loudly as you can;
>
> *Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just
> like coffee;
>
> *The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee
> cabinet is locked up tight;
>
> *When you watch a 'Star Wars' movie and they say,
> 'May the Force be with you', you respond, 'and also with you';
>
> *And lastly, it takes 15 minutes to say,
> 'Good-bye'.
>
> May you
> wake each day with His blessings,
>
> Sleep each night in His
> keeping,
>
> And always
> walk in His tender care.
>
> SINGING WITH
> THE LUTHERANS
> by Garrison
> Keillor
>
> I have made fun of
> Lutherans for years - who wouldn't, if you lived in
> Minnesota ? But I have also sung with Lutherans, and that is
> one of the main joys of life, along with hot
> saunas and fresh sweet corn.
>
> We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their
> excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of
> speed and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and
> cheese. But nobody sings like they do.
>
> If you ask an audience in New York City , a relatively
> Lutheranless place, to sing along on the chorus of
> 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore', they will look
> daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their
> underwear. But if you do this among Lutherans they'll
> smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down
> the road!
>
> Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part
> harmony. It's a talent that comes from sitting on the
> lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the
> harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that
> person's rib cage. It's natural for Lutherans to
> sing in harmony. We're too modest to be soloists, too
> worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the
> key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all
> two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling
> moment.
>
> I once sang the bass line of Children of the Heavenly
> Father in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it;
> and when we finished, we all had tears in our eyes, partly
> from the promise that God will not forsake us, partly from
> the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joining in
> harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each
> other.
>
> I do believe this: These Lutherans are the sort of people
> you could call up when you're in deep distress. If
> you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're
> lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you're hungry,
> they'll give you tuna salad!
>
> The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran
> who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he
> saw or heard:
>
> 1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die
> if asked to pray out loud.
>
> 2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a
> new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
>
> 3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the
> hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are
> there.
>
> 4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will
> feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
>
> 5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles,
> especially during their stewardship visitation programs or
> when passing the plate.
>
> 6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's
> choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
>
> 7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from
> crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
>
> 8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the
> Third Sacrament..
>
> 9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an
> LC-MS groom make for a mixed marriage. (For those
> of you who are not Lutherans, ELCA is Evangelical
> Lutheran Church in America and LC-MS is Lutheran
> Church-Missouri Synod, two different divisions of the same
> Protestant religion.. And when and where I grew up in
> Minnesota , intermarriage between the two was about as
> popular as Lutherans and Catholics marrying.)
>
> 10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after
> their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
>
> 11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a
> meal at church.
>
> 12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are
> totally factual.
>
> 13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the
> proper liturgical color of the season and think that
> peas in a tuna noodle casserole add a little too much
> color.
>
> 14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at
> themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
>
> And finally, you know you're a Lutheran when:
>
> *It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still
> have coffee after the service;
>
> *You hear something really funny during the sermon and
> smile as loudly as you can;
>
> *Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just
> like coffee;
>
> *The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee
> cabinet is locked up tight;
>
> *When you watch a 'Star Wars' movie and they say,
> 'May the Force be with you', you respond, 'and also with you';
>
> *And lastly, it takes 15 minutes to say,
> 'Good-bye'.
>
> May you
> wake each day with His blessings,
>
> Sleep each night in His
> keeping,
>
> And always
> walk in His tender care.
>