Subject: The fun of the Irish]
Date: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 10:04 PM
Q. Why are Irish jokes so simple?
A. So the English can understand them.
----------
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
----------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
----------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
----------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and
announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly, "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
----------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
----------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
----------
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
----------
Finnegin:
My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clockin the
morning. I can't break her of it.
Murphy: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
----------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.
"Quick!" he said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
----------
O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
----------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
----------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex
life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and
highlights of theirs?
----------
Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony.
Smoking has killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony.
Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions."
" Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"
Date: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 10:04 PM
Q. Why are Irish jokes so simple?
A. So the English can understand them.
----------
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
----------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
----------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
----------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and
announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly, "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
----------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
----------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
----------
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
----------
Finnegin:
My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clockin the
morning. I can't break her of it.
Murphy: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
----------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.
"Quick!" he said.
"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
----------
O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
----------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
----------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex
life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and
highlights of theirs?
----------
Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony.
Smoking has killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony.
Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions."
" Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"
