The Redneck Challenge

[Casa Paloma]

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a) '65 Ford Fairlane
b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
c) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine tree in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the 'Redneck Challenge", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

 

[katrina]

Casa, I have my answers. Can you tell me the correct answers to see if I'm right? On number 6, we put the dogs nose towards the front and side by side hope that's correct. Anyway let me know the answers.

 

[Mike]

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a) '65 Ford Fairlane
b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
c) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine tree in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the 'Redneck Challenge", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

Answers:
1-Depends on whether it is summer or winter. Summertimes means more flexibility of limbs - and less limbs breaking.
2-Depends on which car has a vinyl roof.
3-Depends on whether they are Cadillac or Vega radiators.
4-Depends on whether the Buds are hot or cold.
5-Depends on whether the kids still have the icepick they were venting the R-12 with.
6-Depends on how many pups "Ol Sally" had in the last litter.
7-Depends on how high you can stack the old appliances.
8-Depends on whether baling wire or coathangers were used in holding the mufflers up.
9-Depends on whether "Billy Bob" has a Zippo or Bic lighter.
10-Depends on whether the churches that were torn down for the Interstate to come through had a Piano or Organ, and whether they were built back at all. [hint: Every country singer has Gospel roots]

Did I pass? :roll:

 

[Big Muddy rancher]

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a) '65 Ford Fairlane
b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
c) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine tree in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the 'Redneck Challenge", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

Answers:
1-Depends on whether it is summer or winter. Summertimes means more flexibility of limbs - and less limbs breaking.
2-Depends on which car has a vinyl roof.
3-Depends on whether they are Cadillac or Vega radiators.
4-Depends on whether the Buds are hot or cold.
5-Depends on whether the kids still have the icepick they were venting the R-12 with.
6-Depends on how many pups "Ol Sally" had in the last litter.
7-Depends on how high you can stack the old appliances.
8-Depends on whether baling wire or coathangers were used in holding the mufflers up.
9-Depends on whether "Billy Bob" has a Zippo or Bic lighter.
10-Depends on whether the churches that were torn down for the Interstate to come through had a Piano or Organ, and whether they were built back at all. [hint: Every country singer has Gospel roots]

Did I pass? :roll:

TA DA Mike's a winner. The Redest of Rednecks. :wink:

 

[Steve]

2-Depends on which car has a vinyl roof.

Yea and the most valuable will rust the Quickest.

Also depends weather you pulled the fairlane engine to put in the Ranchero, and left the hood up.

What kinda blocks, cinder, cement or wood?

Did some one pull the engine out of the chevy to sell for scrap? or the seats for the el-camino? and left the doors open afterwords?

Man this tough, let me go out back and just look to see which one rusted first.
(UP north we put them out back by the shelter belt, that way we can't mow around them. )

is that dead or just faken it possum?