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The three kick rule

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Well-known member
Feb 10, 2005
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A lawyer was pheasant hunting and he shot and dropped a bird. It fell into a cattle pasture on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly cattle buyer drove up and asked the lawyer what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "What the Hell does it look like I'm doing? I shot a pheasant and it fell in this pasture and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The cattle buyer replied, "I don't care for your attitude. This is my property and I want you gone."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in the country and if you don't let me get that pheasant, I'll sue you for everything you own."

The cattle buyer said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle disputes around here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The cattle buyer replied, "Well, because the dispute occured on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old cattle buyer slowly climbed out of his pickup and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the cattle buyer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The cattle buyer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up... You can have the pheasant."

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