Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say

[Casa Paloma]

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...
I've changed my mind.
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I must admit,
you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!
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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?
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I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
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So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

 

[ranchwife]

Thanks for the laugh, Casa!!! Sure do need one today!! :roll: :roll:

 

[Faster horses]

That was doubly good!!

BTW, my aunt used to write some of the greetings for Hallmark Cards!
(not those, not those!)

 

[Jeannie]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

 

[Brad S]

My best friend missed his cousin's wedding, and the next time he saw the cousin she really gave him hell for missing her wedding. Cody never missed a beat saying "I promise to go to your next one."

 

[nr]

Some of those would probably sell if they were ac tuallly pr inted.

 

[CattleCo]

Brad,
Great come back on missing the wedding!!! :lol: :lol: Look at it this way....you should make her next one in about 4-6 years!! National Average. The first wedding is usually considered a "Starter Marriage" !! :lol:

 

[the_jersey_lilly_2000]

"starter marriage"...sounds like yer makin sour dough bread...