Faster horses
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- Feb 11, 2005
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I got it in an email. Too good not to share:
>>>
>>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
>>>things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
>>>published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>
>>>
>>>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>>>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>>>
>>>______________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>>> WITNESS: Every year.
>>> _____________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>> WITNESS: I forget.
>>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>>forgot?
>>> __________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>>> _____________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>>morning?
>>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>>> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>>>voodoo?
>>> WITNESS: We both do.
>>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>>> WITNESS: We do.
>>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>sleep,
>>> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>> ___________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
>>> ________________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>>> WITNESS: Uh....
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>>> WITNESS: None.
>>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>> WITNESS: By death.
>>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>>deposition
>>> notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
>>>dead
>>> people?
>>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>>to?
>>> WITNESS: Oral.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>>> autopsy on him!
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>> WITNESS: Huh?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
>>>a
>>> pulse?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>>> began the autopsy?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>> practicing law.
>>>
>>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
>>>things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
>>>published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>
>>>
>>>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>>>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>>>
>>>______________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>>> WITNESS: Every year.
>>> _____________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>> WITNESS: I forget.
>>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>>forgot?
>>> __________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>>> _____________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>>morning?
>>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>>> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>>>voodoo?
>>> WITNESS: We both do.
>>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>>> WITNESS: We do.
>>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>sleep,
>>> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>> ___________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
>>> ________________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>>> WITNESS: Uh....
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>>> WITNESS: None.
>>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>> WITNESS: By death.
>>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>>deposition
>>> notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
>>>dead
>>> people?
>>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>>to?
>>> WITNESS: Oral.
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>>> autopsy on him!
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>> WITNESS: Huh?
>>> ______________________________________
>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
>>>a
>>> pulse?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>>> began the autopsy?
>>> WITNESS: No.
>>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>>> practicing law.