wedding anniversary gift

[Juan]

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY GIFT

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his
wedding anniversary.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something
in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2
seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the
driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for
Saturday

 

[fedup2]

I better add one to this while we are on the topic! :lol:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with
baffled WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile...You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

 

[Hanta Yo]

Did you really say that to her??? If you did, AWESOME!! She deserved it. Too many women are too busy thinking about THEMSELVES and not about their MAN!! :evil: :evil:

 

[Faster horses]

Yep. The feminist movement has taught them well.

 

[fedup2]

No, it was a joke I read and thought I would share. I am very fortunate because if I gave my bride of almost 35 years, a hundred dollar bill, she would spend $99 on me, our daughters or grandson. If she spent a dollar on herself, she would feel guilty.

Some of my friends are not so fortunate as material things are very important to them. That includes both the men and women.