• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

You might be old if --

J

Julie

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
411
Location
New Mexico USA
You might be old if...ah, I don't remember
By Brad Cooper

I received an email from an old girlfriend last week (let me rephrase that, a "former" girlfriend who wouldn't appreciate being called old).

"Right now, I'm on my 3rd glass of wine and 3rd ibuprofen," Sue Ann wrote. "I started re-roofing my house today with the help of 2 guys: one who knows what he's doing that I'm paying; one who is as novice as I am. My objective was to save money. I'm rethinking that objective."

I looked it up in my On Being 60 manual. "Being on the roof" is not there.

Yes, I feel your pain.

Getting old didn't seem so bad until the parts started wearing out and, natural-ly...the warranty has expired.

So, when exactly did it happen, this "old" thing?

You're old when you've got friends who still don't have an email address, have no use for one, and don't realize what they're missing. You're wise when you start to realize that they might be right.

You're old when you want to smack the 13-year old girl in The Owl Restaurant in Albuquerque in the head and scream, "Get that (expleted) wireless pod device out of your (expleted) ear...don't you realize that there aren't that many people worth talking to?"

You're old when you stop and think that maybe you should invent a double-ear-pod wireless non-hand-held cell phone device so that 13-year old girls could listen in stereo, and you'd be rich and able to afford health insurance.

You might be old if the only new things in your life every week are prescriptions.

You're old if you get up and walk across the room to get something and you can't remember what it was, and it doesn't seem to matter because it must not have been that important anyway.

You might be old if you start to consider buying a hybrid made-in-Tennessee Japanese car because of its economy and it'd be good for the environment. Then remember that you have no children or grandchildren and you haven't been that fond of the children you have met. You buy a muscle car.

You might be old if you have teeth implants that are guaranteed to last longer than your actuarial table.

You're old if you still have a "church key" in a drawer somewhere. Some people collect them now because they have no other life. It's a cheap hobby and doesn't require ammunition.

You're old if you ever used a pen, or a screwdriver or a pocketknife to get into a can of beer.

You're old if you know that Woody Allen and his former step-daughter/now wife Soon-Yi are not lounging around talking about common experiences like The Beatles. Soon-Yi was born around 1981. The Beatles broke up more than a decade earlier.

You're old if you can remember practicing getting under your school desk in case of a nuclear attack. Now you realize that having $20,000 in credit card debt might be a laughable dénouement in case of a nuclear attack. You're old if you own a dictionary and look up the word "dénouement" instead of "Google it."

You're old if Paris Hilton could be your granddaughter and you hope that she has to spend all 45 days in jail because you knew her parents, and they shouldn't have been allowed to raise children.

You might be old if you remember when wine bottles came with real corks. And you've at least once pushed the cork through to get at the wine.

You might be old if you recall when there was just one flavor of Coke. It was Coke, OK? If you wanted it to taste like something else you could dump a bag of peanuts in it.

You might be old if you remember pay phones. You might be poor if you still know where to find one.

You might be old when you really wouldn't mind being on a jury, but know that you can't stay awake if you are forced to sit in one place too long without a remote control in your hand and a series of commercials along with some intermittent world-saving gunfire and explosions.

You might be old if you once voted for a good president. You're smart if you pause to consider whom that might have been.

You might be old if your week is defined by four or five TV shows that are required to be watched, maybe even if they are repeats. You put them on your calendar. It makes you happy. You know happy. Happy is good.

You're old if you become more semantic. Words don't seem to change as fast as everything else, so insisting on maintaining their clarity becomes important. You know what Spam really is, a strange meat-like substance that comes in a can that can be opened with a church key if you had to.

Brad Cooper is a syndicated columnist writing out of White Oaks, where he wanders aimlessly trying to find his "Clapper."


********************************************

what's YOUR "you are getting old "if" ...?? :) :) Course I know there are no old people on this board, but maybe you "heard" some old person mention something.
 
I CONFESS......I'M OLD!!!!
I still remember things that my children have NEVER heard of....

8-track tapes and VINYL records
when drive-ins WERE the place to see a movie
when bell bottom jeans came around....the FIRST TIME!!
when platform shoes came around.....THE FIRST TIME!!
when Elvis died
big hair and trans ams!!! :shock:

the really old drug store in deer lodge once had a soda machine that gave you the smal,GLASS bottles of coca-cola!!! mmmmm...canned soda just never tasted quite right after you have a frosty coke out of a real glass bottle!!
I remember when candy bars were twice the size they are now and less than a fraction of the price!
I remember going to the store and buying a bag of "penny candy".....each little tootsie roll or red-fish cost a penny....you could get a pretty good sugar rush going with a dollar!! :lol:
:D :D :D :D :D
 
I remember when the first microwave came out had to turn that dial and there were only 2 temps ~ high and low.
Typewriters that you had to change the ribbon on and had keys that would get stuck together if you typed too fast.
Mimeographs and that BLUE ink eeeewwwwwwwww every child KNEW it was test day cuz the smell coming from the "Teachers lounge"


Hmmmmm yes I know I am old but I feel young ........guess thats thanks to a
sweet man who is 5 years younger than me .....keeps me young :D :D :D :D
 
For all you old fogies :wink:

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling... :wink: :lol:


Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95- year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. '
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age,we figured the best time to do it was when the Church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the icecream truck hadn't come along.'
 
ShoersSage said:
I remember when the first microwave came out had to turn that dial and there were only 2 temps ~ high and low.
Typewriters that you had to change the ribbon on and had keys that would get stuck together if you typed too fast.
Mimeographs and that BLUE ink eeeewwwwwwwww every child KNEW it was test day cuz the smell coming from the "Teachers lounge"


Hmmmmm yes I know I am old but I feel young ........guess thats thanks to a
sweet man who is 5 years younger than me .....keeps me young :D :D :D :D
Click to expand...


Would that make you what they call a "Cougar"? :?
 
Many women are fed up with men their age who lack the stamina and skills to satisfy them. A cougar woman likes herself. She is sultry, self-confident and has the power to stop men in their tracks. She's not the skinny, barely-dressed 25 year old - she's much more desirable. Are you ready for the spontaneity, sensuality and pure excitement you deserve? If the answer is yes, consider yourself timeless. You have an incredible presence, finesse and sexiness that comes only with maturity. You, my dear, are a cougar!
Click to expand...

Hmm I will buy that and say thank you for calling me a cougar :D :P :wink:
 
ShoersSage said:
Many women are fed up with men their age who lack the stamina and skills to satisfy them. A cougar woman likes herself. She is sultry, self-confident and has the power to stop men in their tracks. She's not the skinny, barely-dressed 25 year old - she's much more desirable. Are you ready for the spontaneity, sensuality and pure excitement you deserve? If the answer is yes, consider yourself timeless. You have an incredible presence, finesse and sexiness that comes only with maturity. You, my dear, are a cougar!
Click to expand...

Hmm I will buy that and say thank you for calling me a cougar :D :P :wink:
Click to expand...


Now we know. :D
 
The Cougar (Puma concolor), also known as the Puma or Mountain Lion, is a mammal of the Felidae family, native to the Americas. This large, solitary cat has the greatest range of any terrestrial mammal in the Western Hemisphere other than humans,[3] extending from Yukon in Canada to the southern Andes of South America. An adaptable, generalist species, the Cougar is found in every major New World habitat type. It is the second heaviest cat in the New World, after the Jaguar, and the fourth heaviest in the world, after the Tiger, Lion, and Jaguar, although it is most closely related to smaller felines.

A capable stalk-and-ambush predator, the Cougar pursues a wide variety of prey. Its primary food is ungulates such as deer, particularly in the northern part of its range, but it hunts species as small as insects and rodents. It prefers habitats with dense underbrush for stalking, but it can live in open areas.

The Cougar is territorial and persists at low population densities. Individual territory sizes depend on terrain, vegetation, and abundance of prey. While it is a large predator, it is not always the dominant species in its range, as when it competes for prey with animals such as the Gray Wolf. It is a reclusive cat and usually avoids people. Attacks on humans remain rare, despite a recent increase in frequency.[4]

Due to persecution as a dangerous pest animal following the European colonization of the Americas, and continuing human development of Cougar habitat, populations have dropped in many parts of its historical range. In particular, the Cougar was extirpated in eastern North America, except an isolated sub-population in Florida; the animal may be recolonizing parts of its former eastern territory. With its vast range, the Cougar has dozens of names and various references in the mythology of the indigenous peoples of the Americas and in contemporary culture.



So being a large, stalking, territorial pest is a compliment?????????


Hmmmm.....learn something every day I suppose!!!!!
 
Being that Big muddy was NOT giving a complement I choose to turn it around into one. But you had to make sure it was clear and enforce the put down.
Are you proud of yourself? Do you feel better by putting me down? Does that make you better than me? Has your words helped or hindered someone?

I hope you got alot of pleasure from my pain.
 
Lawsy,somebody run and fetch the smelling salts cause missy here she is gonna swoon!!!!!

You sling some pretty mean words yourself to others there SageHen...so practice what ya preach chickie poo!!


...and yeah...I got quiet a tee-hee out of it!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hopefully it's hushed you up from sending snotty & nasty PM's all around to folks.
 
Kola,
Quite being so gosh darn shy :oops: I'm having trouble understanding what you are saying. Kind of vague and not very clear :)
 
Have you seen me post any lately? NO I am following my own words...now if you knew the whole story behind the issue you speak, WHICH you dont. The pms you speak so knowledgeably about were only me explaining what the issue was BUT since it was one of the more popular poster all her buddies did not want to hear the truth. Have you seen these snotty pms? Have you seen what was pm'd to me?

I have learned from my mistakes and I have talked to the one with whom I had the issue with. If you must know I have found out some information regard the MISUNDERSTANDING and have offered my apology for my part.

See what happens when you only get one side of a story? Yeah I know all too well, I learned that lesson very well.

I am glad you can get a laugh from others pain.......shows your true colors
 

Latest posts

Back
Top