kolanuraven
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Hope ya'll enjoy.
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
> Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
> guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to
> the response letter.
>
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
> Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
> referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
> landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> activity:
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
> stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
> A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
> issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> Partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
> flooding at Downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
> to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
> dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
> later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
> to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
> site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
> matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
> questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price, District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
> ****************************************
>
> Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries---
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price,
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across
> the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize,
> nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that
> you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I
> would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
> project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
> there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
> resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination
> and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
> Must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
> discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all
> beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you
> are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
> Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
> applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
> really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
> Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
> Entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
> financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
> will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
> that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
> causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
> Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
> Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
> obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
> unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> Their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
> and Water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> Referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
> there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you
> are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
> not careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> Contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
> to your dam office.
>
> THANK YOU.
> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
>
>
>
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
> Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
> guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to
> the response letter.
>
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
> Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
> referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
> landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> activity:
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
> stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
> A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
> issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> Partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
> flooding at Downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
> hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
> to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
> dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
> later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
> to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
> site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
> matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
> questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price, District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
> ****************************************
>
> Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries---
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Dear Mr. Price,
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across
> the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize,
> nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that
> you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I
> would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
> project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
> there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
> resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination
> and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
> Must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
> discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all
> beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you
> are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
> Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
> applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
> really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
> Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
> Entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
> financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
> will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
> that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
> causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
> Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
> Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
> contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
> obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
> unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
> Their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
> and Water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> Referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
> there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
> should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you
> are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
> not careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> Contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
> to your dam office.
>
> THANK YOU.
> RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
>
>
>