Soapweed
Well-known member
These are from Spike Van Cleve's book, A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT.
Back in the old days a man who had an eating establishment over on the Musselshell got in a supply of toothpicks. Naturally, the more cultured of his patrons had used them before, but to a lot of the local gentry they were pretty much of a new fangled proposition, but nevertheless very popular. He also made a habit of charging salesmen and other outsiders four bits for a meal, and thirty-five cents for the local people. It happened one day that a whiskey drummer paid his fifty cents, tucked a half-dozen toothpicks in his vest pocket and left.
Behind him was an old kid from the head of the crick. As he paid his thirty-five cents he remarked, "I see now why you charge them fellers more'n us."
"Why so?" the proprietor asked idly.
"Why, heck, d'ya see all them toothpicks that man took? Me, now, I take jest one. Use 'er an' put 'er back. No darn wonder you made him pay more."
**********************
There was a man down by Big Timber who sure liked his booze. He didn't give a darn how good it was; just so long as there was plenty of it, so he favored the cheapest whiskey he could buy. One day in the liquor store a friend was surprised to see the man buy a fifth of Jim Beam. The latter cost quite a bit. His curiousity got the best of him so he inquired how come the old boy had switched--making a mental note to pay him a visit real soon. "It's th' square bottle," the drinking man explained.
"What the heck's that got to do with it?"
"If she tips over, she don't roll under th' bed. Hate to think how much time I've wasted tryin' to locate them darn round bottles that have rolled plumb over into th' corner. Man's got to get outa bed an' crawl under for 'em. Some of 'em even break. 'Druther pay more an' have it handy when I need it." Actually pretty sound thinking.
Back in the old days a man who had an eating establishment over on the Musselshell got in a supply of toothpicks. Naturally, the more cultured of his patrons had used them before, but to a lot of the local gentry they were pretty much of a new fangled proposition, but nevertheless very popular. He also made a habit of charging salesmen and other outsiders four bits for a meal, and thirty-five cents for the local people. It happened one day that a whiskey drummer paid his fifty cents, tucked a half-dozen toothpicks in his vest pocket and left.
Behind him was an old kid from the head of the crick. As he paid his thirty-five cents he remarked, "I see now why you charge them fellers more'n us."
"Why so?" the proprietor asked idly.
"Why, heck, d'ya see all them toothpicks that man took? Me, now, I take jest one. Use 'er an' put 'er back. No darn wonder you made him pay more."
**********************
There was a man down by Big Timber who sure liked his booze. He didn't give a darn how good it was; just so long as there was plenty of it, so he favored the cheapest whiskey he could buy. One day in the liquor store a friend was surprised to see the man buy a fifth of Jim Beam. The latter cost quite a bit. His curiousity got the best of him so he inquired how come the old boy had switched--making a mental note to pay him a visit real soon. "It's th' square bottle," the drinking man explained.
"What the heck's that got to do with it?"
"If she tips over, she don't roll under th' bed. Hate to think how much time I've wasted tryin' to locate them darn round bottles that have rolled plumb over into th' corner. Man's got to get outa bed an' crawl under for 'em. Some of 'em even break. 'Druther pay more an' have it handy when I need it." Actually pretty sound thinking.