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A shadow of a man that he once was

Shelly---I still vividly remember the first time I took care of a patient with very advanced alzheimers.....man was in his mid 70's and an old rancher!!! He would sit in his room, in his recliner and yell for his wife "Mindy"....he'd yell "Mindy....get in here!! There's water everywhere and it's gonna get in the alfalfa and kill the chickens!!"....all the while, he'd be staring blankly at a white wall!! Broke my heart, but the best thing I could do for him (and for his wifek) was simply "play along" in his world.....One day, I told him that I was having a tough time "doing the ranch paper work and all the frustration was getting to me and I could not even remember the year"...he responded "you silly girl...it's 1962!!"....as long as we were in "his world" he was just fine and dandy!! Broke his wife's heart and devastated his children, since he did not even remember that he was a dad/grandpa and great-grandpa!!! :cry: :cry: I pray to this day that they will someday find a cure for this disease that not only robs it's victims of their mind, but robs the family of a loved one!!! Know that you and your family are in my prayers, Shelly!!! As nonothing said, hang onto the memories of the man he once was!!!
 
fedup2, my Area Sales Manager is in Wyoming right now with his wife's mother who is in the last stages of this horrible disease. I told him about your poem and he asked me to email it to him so they could read it. I have done that this morning. Hopefully, it will comfort others.

Thanks for sharing it with us.
 
All I can say is that I am hugely impressed with the ways you folks have acted out your compassion and love for your family members afflicted as they are/were. fedup, that poem was surely worth posting. And your responses toward your uncle and aunt were simply inspired. Although it made me kinda wonder if you might be such a charmer with the young girls too . . . :wink: :wink: Just kidding!

ranchwife, rightly or wrongly, I about cracked up at the "silly girl, it's 1962" part! But they do come up with some pretty funny stuff at times. And at others, not so funny.

Two weeks before my MIL died with Alzheimers, she was still able to help sing the old hymns she loved so well. She remembered a lot of the words.

It was kinda cute - at a granddaughter's wedding several months before "Grandma" died, the one solo was a song she recognized. Wouldn't you know it, her face lit up and her thin, wavery voice chimed right in with the soloist's for all in the church to hear! That brought a few smiles and lot of tears for the family.
 
Shelly; I know this is a tough time for your family and I sympathize as we've had family members afflicted with alzeimers as well. It is so hard on the families that are left behind. I have met your FIL and while I only knew him casually I will always remember him as the hardworking, get ahead type of guy that he was. We always were able to have a quick visit usually meeting at a cattle sale!
Take care;
Brian
 
Shelly
Hang in there. I was once told by a very sick woman that "God will never give you more than you can handle." That woman was my mom and she had cancer that was found when I was born C-section. It started down there and over the next couple years it was discovered in her brain. She was sicker than sick but she never lost sight of her one dream... to see me reach 16. Well her determination through much doctoring and sickness got her to see me reach 24+ years. I have watched people suffer from cancer, Altzhimers, and Lou Garricks disease (sp?). Each one has it's own way of taking them from us and we from them. The one thing I have learned over the years is to enjoy people each day for who they are and all they have to offer. Be it good or bad they are part of who we are and what we (and like for me now my kids)learn from. I have come to the conclusion that we should never waste time worrying about things that might happen just do all we can to do all we can to make the most of the people and time that's given to us. Take care and never be afraid to share a bad day. I always figured that if you shared a bad day with friends it spreads the bad out and lets some good slip in and lessen the bad.
 
My prayers and hopes for YOUR peace of mind in caring for and loving the memories of what your FIL was and the ability to give him what he needs from you at each stage of his illness, Shelly.

I've had a few family and friends affected. Like other illnesses, it affects people in different ways, it seems. It does help to focus on what the person needs to make them as happy and/or comfortable as they can be, rather than what we wish they were still like. Sometimes it isn't so easy to love them as they are, but that is about all we can do. Fortunately, they often are fairly oblivious or reasonably happy, which can be a blessing if we, their families can accept it as such. Much more difficult is when they are angry and tend toward violence, as some do.

No matter what, it is hard to 'lose' a person who still is living. The 'quick' illnesses and accidents which take our loved ones may be easier to bear, and Stretch, your relatively young age at loss of your mother reminds me of friends who lost a parent after becoming young adults. Some said......there is a blessing, in that they were old enough to really know the parent well and remember so much of their life.........while people who lost parents when they are still children really don't have that great fund of memories. BTW, this may not be perfectly correct,but it's close: Lou Gerrigs Disease. There may be an 'h' in there, but coudn't make it look quite right either way.

This thread leads to philosophical thoughts on life. Living longer and becoming the "older generation" has it's blessings and curses. All the diseases not yet well controlled, let alone conquered, make us sad. The Relay For LIfe events were last weekend in our area of western SD. I, tho a cancer survivor for some 5 years have not directly participated, tho probably will eventually. A good amount of money was raised, and many people were remembered. We chose to celebrate with friends who have been married for 50 years. After we lost a sister-in-law to cancer the previous Sunday, celebration of anything was bittersweet. Final thought, maybe not all that comforting, but personal feeling is that it's easier to lose a loved one who has had a fair number of years good living than to lose a child who has barely had a shot at life. That is the ultimate pain, so far as I can see.

mrj
 

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