Funniest thing that happened to you
- Thread starter HAY MAKER
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Northern Rancher
Well-known member
This one deals with hockey-I coach double AA up here and seeing as it is a religion it gets pretty intense. We were on the road and my kids were playing a heck of a game. Our benchs were separated by a sheet of plexiglass between the two coachs. I tend to pace alot behind the bench-we were rushing the puck up the ice and I walked right off the end of the bench and plastered myself against that plexiglass like a bug on a windshield. The other coach just about crapped himself. Proud to say that in all my coaching career have never been accessed a bench penalty-one referree told me that I have mastered a stare that says more than words lol. Coaching helped during BSE border deal-while everyone was frettiong about cattle markets I was losing sleep thinking of my line matchups for the next game. Back to ranching-when we were first married my wife and I were going to do the family milk cow thing and being a thrifty young guy I decided to just break a couple of our better milking range cows as milk cows. The first one calved and I had her going pretty good-but for some unknown reason I had both cows tied together in the same stall. My wifes city friend was visiting and of course I promised her fresh farm cream. Down to the barn I go and get almost a full pail milked out of the first one. She then put her foot on the pail-i tried to lift it out with no success so I tried a liberal application of the scoop shovel-she kicked the pail over on the 4th of 5th backswing and I slipped on the spilled milk right into the gutter behind her. Well she tapdanced on me till I grabbed the other ones tail to drag myself out. She got a few good licks in. I'll never forget that city girls face when I dragged my battered body and flattened crap covered pail up to the house. I told her farm cream is wayyyyyyy overrated lol.
This is not about me, for sure. It's maybe a little disgusting, but funny. Not sure if I have ever told it before.
So, my friend was back behind the barn, and had a case of the trots. He didn't think he could make it to the house, so used a close bush.
That night his wife asked if he had forgot to put underwear on? "yes, I chose not to wear them today" was his reply.
Next day, the wife approached my buddy and said " the dog brought the underwear you chose not to wear yesterday, to the front porch!"
One more.
I was working a trade show once (Plowing match) where we always get alot of classes from the local schools.
I was standing beside a pen with a Scottish Highland cow and the teacher was teaching her class that "this is a bull children, look at his horns"
I went over and said, "no, this a mama cow"
She proceeded to argue with me that no, bulls are the ones with horns, my comeback, "and females are the ones that nurse, see the calf at the hind end suckling."
So, my friend was back behind the barn, and had a case of the trots. He didn't think he could make it to the house, so used a close bush.
That night his wife asked if he had forgot to put underwear on? "yes, I chose not to wear them today" was his reply.
Next day, the wife approached my buddy and said " the dog brought the underwear you chose not to wear yesterday, to the front porch!"
One more.
I was working a trade show once (Plowing match) where we always get alot of classes from the local schools.
I was standing beside a pen with a Scottish Highland cow and the teacher was teaching her class that "this is a bull children, look at his horns"
I went over and said, "no, this a mama cow"
She proceeded to argue with me that no, bulls are the ones with horns, my comeback, "and females are the ones that nurse, see the calf at the hind end suckling."
DOC HARRIS
Well-known member
George - Perhaps if you would have suggested that SHE clean the mud out of the truck CAB when she got back to the house - SHE would have come up with the idea that SHE ride in the back and YOU walk back for the tractor! Then you see - it would have been HER idea and you would have been in the clear! :shock:George said:
When you have been married 62 years - as I have _ you sort of automatically blend into these kinds of situations. If THEY think of it FIRST - VOILA - you are off the hook! 8) 8) George - if you tell Ruthie (MY '18 year old bride - 62 years ago!) that I told you this, - - I am in DEEP DO-DO! :shock: Do not mention it - Do not mention it!
DOC HARRIS
Faster horses
Well-known member
Doc, you have been married 62 years? That is WAYYYYYYYY COOL!! You must have done something right!
Congratulations and many, many more years to you and your bride!
:clap: :clap: :nod: :nod: :heart: :heart: :clap:
Congratulations and many, many more years to you and your bride!
:clap: :clap: :nod: :nod: :heart: :heart: :clap:
TXTibbs
Well-known member
Doc just how old are you? 62 + 18 = 80, so you give your brides age away, and i assume you are prolly a touch older than her. that is great and definantly something to applaud...a 62 year marriage. I can't even imagine living for 62 years, let alone being married and waking up next to the same person for that long. I assume your in your 80's? And you can run a computer....that alone is something to applaud :lol: :lol: :lol:
I'm just being a smart ash
I'm just being a smart ash
Doc,
In my defense this was when I first got married and I was only 25 and had not mastered the art of diplomacy - - - I am much better at it now, although if you ask Debi I'm sure she would feel I still need work.
When we first got married she weighed about 95# and would get very upset if I sudgested that something was to hard for her. With 2 kids and several years she is about 130# now and still tries to do things that I feel are on the border of being to hard for me. I have seen her stand her ground against a mad sow and it takes a pretty mean cow to back her down.
In my defense this was when I first got married and I was only 25 and had not mastered the art of diplomacy - - - I am much better at it now, although if you ask Debi I'm sure she would feel I still need work.
When we first got married she weighed about 95# and would get very upset if I sudgested that something was to hard for her. With 2 kids and several years she is about 130# now and still tries to do things that I feel are on the border of being to hard for me. I have seen her stand her ground against a mad sow and it takes a pretty mean cow to back her down.
DOC HARRIS
Well-known member
FH -Thank you for your congratulations! I appreciate it very much. A happy, successful, productive and long-lived marriage is a result of extensive, conscientious, judicious, solitous, scrupulous, loving, tender, heedful observance of - - - -EPD's!! :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: - - - Oh - - - - -yes - - -I did - - - - EVERYTHING right! :roll: :???:Faster horses said:
ranchwife
Well-known member
DOC HARRIS said:
DOC---somehow i think that your sense of humor probably had alot to do with the longevity of your wonderful marriage....lord knows you keep me in stitches!!! :wink: Been taking care of an elderly gentleman who is pretty sick and not doing very well at all...his 85 year old wife is there everyday---morning, noon and night----to sit by his side...if you should ask her "why" she would tell you that in 65 years of marriage, they have only had 3 nights apart---all 3 when she was in the hospital after giving birth!!
randiliana
Well-known member
Well, this one is kinda funny!! Well afterwards anyways.
We were out checking cows I believe it must have been Nov. or Dec. Anyways, we noticed that one of our newly purchased bred heifers was having a really hard time breathing. It was getting pretty late in the afternoon, but we managed to suck them into the corral. Of course, this was just a loading corral with no headgate, so we had to borrow the neighbours old homebuilt trailer which was about 3 feet off the ground. Anyways we got the heifer loaded without too much difficulty, and hauled her over to the neighbours where there WAS a headgate. Well, hubby backs the trailer up to the corral, and I go stand in the middle of the corral with the intention of "shooing" her through the gate to the chute. That heifer came off that trailer with about a 20 foot leap, it took her about 2 more of those jumps and she put me over the fence. I hit the ground on the other side, and just lay there trying to BREATHE. Finally, when I caught my breath, I looked at the little #$%$ and hubby and bluntly told him that I was NOT going back in there.
He finally got her down the chute, and we caught her in the headgate. Of course by this time it was darn near dark, so we turned the truck around (with the trailer still hooked up) so we could shine the headlights on her. So, we proceeded to look at her, and were just starting our diagnosis when, we heard the CRUNCH of tires on snow (did I mention that our 2 year old son was in the truck and it was an OLD AUTOMATIC?) Well, we had just enough time to jump out of the way. Hubby is trying to figure out how to save the cow (it was one of those old manual catch gates). Well, the truck ran right into the headgate. Fortunately for the cow there was a grill guard on the truck and her head went into the headlight. I think it knocked her out for a minute.
So here we were, the truck is pinning the cow in the headgate, and our 2 year old son has BOTH doors LOCKED!! Of course, we are yelling at him to open the doors, which he finally did (after some serious thinking on his part) and we backed the truck up and put the parking brake on. The cow finally gets up so at least she survived!! Now we needed to let the cow out. The chute is really a dumb setup. The headgate facing out into a pasture, with the gate to the corral(opening the wrong way)right beside it. So hubby says to me here, "you hold this corral panel up and shoo her into the corral". Keep in mind that I had already tried to "shoo" this animal once with not so great results. So, I'm looking at the corral panel, and that cow, who was just as mad now if not madder and thinking that I really don't want to know what her on the panel on top of me is gonna feel like. I looked at hubby and told him that there was no @#$@%#& way that I was going to HOLD that panel up!! I was so mad I was shaking and crying!! We did finally wire the panel up and got her into the corral. Amazingly, being knocked out hadn't calmed her down one bit.
Randi
My Website
www.geocities.com/randiliana2000
My Favorite Canadian Gardening group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CdnRRandSeedexch/
My Favorite Canadian Ranching Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/canadianfoodanimals
We were out checking cows I believe it must have been Nov. or Dec. Anyways, we noticed that one of our newly purchased bred heifers was having a really hard time breathing. It was getting pretty late in the afternoon, but we managed to suck them into the corral. Of course, this was just a loading corral with no headgate, so we had to borrow the neighbours old homebuilt trailer which was about 3 feet off the ground. Anyways we got the heifer loaded without too much difficulty, and hauled her over to the neighbours where there WAS a headgate. Well, hubby backs the trailer up to the corral, and I go stand in the middle of the corral with the intention of "shooing" her through the gate to the chute. That heifer came off that trailer with about a 20 foot leap, it took her about 2 more of those jumps and she put me over the fence. I hit the ground on the other side, and just lay there trying to BREATHE. Finally, when I caught my breath, I looked at the little #$%$ and hubby and bluntly told him that I was NOT going back in there.
He finally got her down the chute, and we caught her in the headgate. Of course by this time it was darn near dark, so we turned the truck around (with the trailer still hooked up) so we could shine the headlights on her. So, we proceeded to look at her, and were just starting our diagnosis when, we heard the CRUNCH of tires on snow (did I mention that our 2 year old son was in the truck and it was an OLD AUTOMATIC?) Well, we had just enough time to jump out of the way. Hubby is trying to figure out how to save the cow (it was one of those old manual catch gates). Well, the truck ran right into the headgate. Fortunately for the cow there was a grill guard on the truck and her head went into the headlight. I think it knocked her out for a minute.
So here we were, the truck is pinning the cow in the headgate, and our 2 year old son has BOTH doors LOCKED!! Of course, we are yelling at him to open the doors, which he finally did (after some serious thinking on his part) and we backed the truck up and put the parking brake on. The cow finally gets up so at least she survived!! Now we needed to let the cow out. The chute is really a dumb setup. The headgate facing out into a pasture, with the gate to the corral(opening the wrong way)right beside it. So hubby says to me here, "you hold this corral panel up and shoo her into the corral". Keep in mind that I had already tried to "shoo" this animal once with not so great results. So, I'm looking at the corral panel, and that cow, who was just as mad now if not madder and thinking that I really don't want to know what her on the panel on top of me is gonna feel like. I looked at hubby and told him that there was no @#$@%#& way that I was going to HOLD that panel up!! I was so mad I was shaking and crying!! We did finally wire the panel up and got her into the corral. Amazingly, being knocked out hadn't calmed her down one bit.
Randi
My Website
www.geocities.com/randiliana2000
My Favorite Canadian Gardening group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CdnRRandSeedexch/
My Favorite Canadian Ranching Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/canadianfoodanimals
Faster horses
Well-known member
That was good. I'm glad you LIVED to tell the story!!! :wink:
DOC HARRIS
Well-known member
My curiosity is peaked! What was the Final Diagnosis to which you arrived, and what was the Prognosis for the heifer after you performed the Frontal Lobotomy with the truck headlight? Have you attempted to place her in a squeeze chute subsequent to this experience? :shock: Have you had the opportunity to discuss the importance of "Safety on the Farm 4 Kids" with your 2 year old heir to the throne? :???: Has your bred heifer had her calf yet? Has the UN-bred heifer explained to her calf the ins-and-outs of trailering and how to avoid headaches - particularly during pregnancy? :? :roll: The answers to all of these questions inquiring minds want to know!! :wink:
frenchie
Well-known member
A number of years back in the early spring,we were calving out a large bunch of heifers,and we pulling a high percentage of the calves.They were penned in a 4 acre pasture close to the house.
I went out one cloudy night to check heifers, As I,m returning from checking them .I seen a movement about 100 ft from me. Now the light I,m carrying is acting up..But I,m sure its one particular smaller black heifer that is a fence crawler.
So I go closer, it moves off away from me.The faster i go the faster it goes.I still can,t see her very well.All the while i,m fighting with my light
So here we are the closer i get, the more it moves away.This continues all through the treed area of the pasture.. a 1/4 mile later we break out into the open.. A couple of hundred yards later.,the clouds parted., the moon peeks through..and i get a good look at her..
A rather annoyed big black bear.
I went out one cloudy night to check heifers, As I,m returning from checking them .I seen a movement about 100 ft from me. Now the light I,m carrying is acting up..But I,m sure its one particular smaller black heifer that is a fence crawler.
So I go closer, it moves off away from me.The faster i go the faster it goes.I still can,t see her very well.All the while i,m fighting with my light
So here we are the closer i get, the more it moves away.This continues all through the treed area of the pasture.. a 1/4 mile later we break out into the open.. A couple of hundred yards later.,the clouds parted., the moon peeks through..and i get a good look at her..
A rather annoyed big black bear.
DOC HARRIS
Well-known member
Frenchie - I know that the light didn't help you with this evaluation - but I am curious! Did you have a clue what the Calving Ease and/or Birth Weight EPD's were for that bear?? :? - - -How about - - - Maternal Instincts? :shock: One more question - did you ever get the light working properly?? :???: :!:frenchie said:A number of years back in the early spring,we were calving out a large bunch of heifers,and we pulling a high percentage of the calves.They were penned in a 4 acre pasture close to the house.
I went out one cloudy night to check heifers, As I,m returning from checking them .I seen a movement about 100 ft from me. Now the light I,m carrying is acting up..But I,m sure its one particular smaller black heifer that is a fence crawler.
So I go closer, it moves off away from me.The faster i go the faster it goes.I still can,t see her very well.All the while i,m fighting with my light
So here we are the closer i get, the more it moves away.This continues all through the treed area of the pasture.. a 1/4 mile later we break out into the open.. A couple of hundred yards later.,the clouds parted., the moon peeks through..and i get a good look at her..
A rather annoyed big black bear.
frenchie
Well-known member
DOC HARRIS said:Frenchie - I know that the light didn't help you with this evaluation - but I am curious! Did you have a clue what the Calving Ease and/or Birth Weight EPD's were for that bear?? :? - - -How about - - - Maternal Instincts? :shock: One more question - did you ever get the light working properly?? :???: :!:frenchie said:A number of years back in the early spring,we were calving out a large bunch of heifers,and we pulling a high percentage of the calves.They were penned in a 4 acre pasture close to the house.
I went out one cloudy night to check heifers, As I,m returning from checking them .I seen a movement about 100 ft from me. Now the light I,m carrying is acting up..But I,m sure its one particular smaller black heifer that is a fence crawler.
So I go closer, it moves off away from me.The faster i go the faster it goes.I still can,t see her very well.All the while i,m fighting with my light
So here we are the closer i get, the more it moves away.This continues all through the treed area of the pasture.. a 1/4 mile later we break out into the open.. A couple of hundred yards later.,the clouds parted., the moon peeks through..and i get a good look at her..
A rather annoyed big black bear.
You know Doc...I suspect she was in the top 10% for calving ease , as I never had to render assistance. :lol:
As for lights Igot a new one.