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Is the wife's town job really helping?

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We have run the whole gammit of whether I should be working or not. :shock:

I have just spent 2 and a half years at home with our 9, 5 1/2, 4, year old boys and 1 1/2 year old girl. I have LOVED it, but really felt like I was spinning my wheels, not getting all that I should done. We are a relatively young couple and money is tight, the banker mentioned I might want to consider working again....hint hint, (maybe).

So, I went back to teaching in January. My old principal liked me and the idea of full time was a big step, so she worked with me- payed me well and I would work part time. On paper, it looked great, and although I love being my hubby's partner, I didn't want to drag us so deep that we couldn't get out. Then the dilemas began :wink:

1. By the time I put one kid in daycare all day and drove to work... Cost were more than what we had put on paper. I am usually pretty good at budgeting but a person's more tired, buys more easy foods, shoes wear out and so on.
2. The four year old stayed with Dad. They have gained a unbreakable bond through this, but.... DH felt like he couldn't do all that he needed, because it was always too cold, too windy, whatever and a kid can't sit in the pickup all day. We didn't want both kids in daycare.
3. The little girl we put in daycare has had a runny nose since Jan 7. She has had two ear infections and influenza A, (which has gone on to all of us). Trips to the doctor, time off from the part time job.. aaarrgghh.
4. The house is a wreck, I kept up real well until son's wrestling started and I was never home. Supper's never ready, so on, so on, the kids now know to check every night and make sure they have everything they need to wear to school clean instead of just getting up and getting dressed. I just can't keep up
5. The biggest dilema......
I have turned into the biggest bi#@$ on earth. I hated it, hated dealing with other people's brats, while my own where on the back burner, hated not having any patience left at the end of the day for my own family, hated not being with my better half, hated trying to pretend like I was liking something that I truly used to like but didn't now. Hated feeling guilty about sitting down to relax and read some ranchers.net rather than do a night load of laundry or some dishes, hated trying to get reorganized to be a worker-mom-ranchwife again.

So I cut my hours back, I work on Friday, when the students have a short day, I do activities with them, help the teacher plan for the next week, an aide is supposed to do my job while I am at home. It is working for me (sort of) but I don't know how it benefits the kids, not at all I am afraid, but I guess... With the recent storms I just couldn't go to work -it took all that Pat and I could do to keep up with the warming and feeding and such.. Today it was just too muddy. Didn't think before that I might be a little needed here. I don't want to be that kind of unreliable employee. So I think I am done, and once again I am faced with the worry, Am I teaching next year?????

Wish it were a big enough place to just partner with my hubby and not worry about it. We always say we will cut expenses and don't. lol I always thought I was willing to do anything for this way of life... Maybe not. sorry if this is long and boring. :oops: I guess I needed to dump on someone. :???:
 
I think you are going to have to make sacrifices whichever way you choose, so choose to do what is most right for yourself and your kids. I think you already know what way that will be.

Your kids won't be kids forever. You won't be short of money forever either. So my advice is to heck with the banker, invest your time in your home and kids. You can pay back money any time, you won't get to have this time with your kids forever.

Bankers can wait. They often do. Give him the hint...that you will pay your loans, it just might take a little longer. Your first debt is to your family.

Good Luck with your decision. Listen to Dr. Laura, she'll make you feel like you chose the absolute right way.
 
greg said:
Wife and I have a great system going,she cooks I eat.About the work,everyone does somthin dif.if it works great.like makin money off cows but also do it cause love it.Thats my story amd I'm stickin to it!
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Gregs right in my books,if it works for you and your happy with it then its right for you.Thats the bottom line.
 
Ranch Mom,
Let me share the story of two ranch raised ladies, one, my wife, and the other a good friend of her's.
When our son was born, we agreed that she would quit teaching and stay home to raise him.
Her friend pursued a career in the state legislature and let the TV raise her kids.
When we moved here, the friend protested that, "Taking your son down there to the reservation will ruin him."
A few years passed. Our son graduated valedictorian of his class, her son was on drugs and her daughter refused to even speak to her.
The two ladies were having lunch together in Rapid City later, and the legislator told my wife, "I wish I had sent my kids down there with you when you moved."
The point was not where we lived, nor where she lived. My wife was there every day when our son got home from school. She read to him from day one, was there at all his activities in and out of school.
The friends kids went home from school to a "sitter", and television.
Both women came from ranch backgrounds, in fact, grew up less than 30 miles from each other.
Both succeeded in what their goals were. What was the cost for each?
Let me echo Faster Horses, No amount of money is as valuable as your time with those kids.
The banker will wait. He had to wait several times for us!!! Your kids won't wait. Soon you will look up and they will be grown.
I often think that our son is the man he is today, because of his mother, and in spite of his dad. :) :) :)
Best wishes, I know it is a tough dilema, but I also believe you two are tougher.
My prayers go with you.
 
I, for one, would give ANYTHING to be able to have stayed home and raised my kids!! My jobs allows some flexibility---12 hours shifts, 3 days a week and we self-schedule!! However, in order to have HEALTH INSURANCE (which is pretty darned important with 4 kids at home), I must keep up my hours! The hubby's pay barely pays the usual monthly bills....not to consider the kids' school lunches, sports passes for the b-ball player, food in the house, laundry supplies, meds, medical bills, etc!!!!! I have had guilt trip after guilt trip laid on me about working and not staying home!! No matter how we have tried to re-work our budget, we simply CANNOT go without my meager paycheck!!!! Yes, the bank could and probably would wait....but medical bill collectors donot...the grocery store would not....the school cafeteria would not.....clothing does not wait!! We live simply and without fanfare (heck, got my first haircut in over a year and it cost me $15 and I dang near feinted at that!!), yet there are only so many corners you cancut!! Heck, guess we could always go on state/federal assistance (AKA Welfare), but that simply will not happen!!!! As long as I can work to support my family and keep us from losing all we have (WHICH, IS NOT MUCH),then I will!! I still am there for my kids (more often than many stay at home moms I personally know of) and will continue to cherish every moment I have with them!! I say that IF you can afford to stay home...then DO IT!!! Cherish that gift and thank God everyday for that opportunity!!!! :D :D
 
Ranchwife....................you are a Mom..........take that as a strong compliment from me

Your husband and kids are really proud I'll bet
 
passin thru said:
Ranchwife....................you are a Mom..........take that as a strong compliment from me

Your husband and kids are really proud I'll bet
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I agree with passin thru,you are a mom and a great one ranchwife.The thing I found after being a mom is there is ALWAYS guilt, doesn't matter if its founded its there,I'm sure it starts at conception.Great kids come out of loving caring homes,doesn't matter if thier moms worked or not!!
 
Passin Thru, you got that very very right. A mom deserves the title, it is earned, not given, her name should be ranchwife/mom cause that is what she is.
Staying home with the kids is way more important than making the extra buck for toys and "a better way of life". There is no better way of life than doing what we do. If a wife has to work outside to make things work, than you do what you have to do, that is what ranchers do, whether it be calving, working in town or baling or whatever.
Kids pick up on things and they learn from the people around them, would you rather have you and Hubby with them or a paid daycare worker? My kids have been with one of us almost all of the time, yes sometimes you can't get done what you want to with a little kid in tow but my kids learned early about numbers, from reading tag numbers, counting, and sticking with the job till it is done. It is quality time spent with them not quantity. Did I mention that Montanacowgurl won the silver medal in the Academic Olympics in math today?
Anyway, FH, Greg, Elwapo, Kate, ET Doc, NR you guys all have it right in my book :clap: :clap: :clap: No wonder I have a new family here. Ranch mom, do what it takes to make your family happy, that includes you.
 
This is sure an interesting thread. Lots of good thoughts here, :!:

It seems to me that no matter what the situation, there is lots of sacrifice. I have always, and will always think that it is best for kids to grow up at home (except in rare cases), and not at the sitters. They say that the first few years are the most informative years of your life, so if people are any kind of parents, that would logically be the best place for kids. Our kids very rarely have went to daycare, but it is not always easy on their mom either. She would love to be doing work outside the home, but our youngest almost refuses to go to daycare. She also can see what well behaved (mostly :wink: ) kids we have, and that is worth a lot. So she will wait until the youngest is in school to return to work. I do realize that not everyone can stay home with the kids either. It's just that if you can, it is probably best. I can see already how fast the time goes that a person gets to spend with their kids. Time is everything. I take a lot more time to enjoy the small things than I used to.

FH was right. Dr. Laura does turn some people off with her brashness, but I think she may be right more often than almost any person in America. I think the lady is tough, but brilliant too. We all try to live up to high standards, but we are human.
 
As I sit here with my 16 (going on 23) year old, reading your posts, I am indeed proud to be a mom (whether I am there with my kids every minute or not)!! My kids are not perfect in the eyes of some, but they are in my eyes!! My 16 year old demodriver is preparing to leave for washington d.c. with classmates in the early morning hours and is also looking forward to med school in about a year and a half!!! I have had to work full-time since each of my beautiful babies were only infants! I have missed so much that can never be recovered, but I have done what I felt had to be done! I do not work for "extras"...I work for food (geeee, sounds like I need a cardboard sign, huh??? :lol: :lol: :lol: ). I absolutely love my job as a nurse and the feeling I get from helping others makes being away from my babies a little easier to handle! As I watch my children grow and seeing their youth slip away from me, I hold back tears.....you cannot get back their childhood, so spend the very most of it with your kids in the very most positive way!!!!
 
Now cut it out ladies, you are gonna make my eyes water.

Thanks to all you unsung hero's
 
Speaking from the kid of a working mom and a farming dad I might be able to help out with some decision making... Right now I am in my sixth going on seventh year of university. I am doing my phd in genetics, granted that I need to pass an exam in may... I think thats safe to say that I have become pretty dedicated and haven't made too too many wrong turns so far in life. But as a kid growing up I went to a babysitter's until I was about six and then when there was three of us our babysitter said that there was too many of us kids, so we were lucky enough to have a new babysitter that came out to the farm when mom worked.

Mom only worked three to four days a week at her salon so she wasn't gone a whole lot. While we did miss her, we were still able to see Dad a little... more so me as I was going out with the cows since the time I was able to walk. We as kids knew that mom had to work and in the long run we got to see her whenever we needed and have never been mad that mom worked. THe time that we did spend with mom and dad was almost better it seemed...

I know that the extra money defintely meant alot when we were growing up for playing in sports, 4-H and all that... I think as far as us kids are we grew up just fine...

Thats just for what its worth
 
Heck we had to move off the ranch to get to school. Dad bached at the ranch and mom and I lived in town. Mom had a job when I was a little older so I got lots of practice cooking. I'd have supper ready when mom got home or would stay in town while mom would be at the ranch. We survived just fine.
 
Mrs.Greg said:
I agree with passin thru,you are a mom and a great one ranchwife.The thing I found after being a mom is there is ALWAYS guilt, doesn't matter if its founded its there,I'm sure it starts at conception.Great kids come out of loving caring homes,doesn't matter if thier moms worked or not!!
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I tend to agree with this. At home moms are guilty because they think they should be pulling their fair share and making sure the family isn't pinched too badly.
Working moms are guilty because they're not devoting enough of their time to their kids.
It's a no-win, so we each just have to make sure to turn it into a win and cherish that which she does have.

So far as the original question of whether the job in town is helping, I'm inclined to think that most unskilled jobs are going to be a real toss-up whether it's actually worth it or not. Jobs that require some school (nursing, teaching, etc.) are more likely to be paying enough to make it worth it.
 
excellent points, HMW!!! If you are having to pay a sitter for 2 or 3 kids and you are only earning minimum wage...then it is hardly worth the bother!! Sad!!! your check (and then some) will just end up going to daycare!! Thankfully, I do not have to worry about that as my kids are all school aged and when summer rolls around, they will be with dad or with older siblings here at the ranch!
 
While my wife helped me the hayfield, our kids spent a lot of hot afternoons playing in the shade of a Subaru station wagon, which was parked nearby. A tarp was rigged up attached to the luggage rack, and pulled out, then supported by a couple fence posts. It made a nice awning-type shade. The kids had a blanket to lay on, and toys and books along for entertainment, besides stories on tape. They were instructed that in case of emergency they were to climb up on top of the car and wave a bath towel. There sure seemed to be a lot of "emergencies" that came up. :wink: :)
 
This has been interesting to read.

My wife was raised on a ranch, and was living on it part time when we met. After we had our first kid, now 8, she quit her job to stay home with him, which I supported.

But as part of that, she's made it pretty clear she has no intention of every returning to a paying job, and if she's ever to return ot any sort of work, it's just volunteer work. That effectively means that I can't quit my town job, at least now, which she pretty acknowledges. Having gotten away from the long hard hours of ranch work, and the thin salary, she's pretty much opposed to anything that would cause us to return to it.

Just thought I'd note this side of it, which isn't quite the same as what's noted above.
 
When we were first married my wife worked any odd job most did'nt pay very well she wanted to go to school so I was in charge of making the majority of the money but she still worked.I have always been responsible to get the kids off to school or daycare(which was a very good friend and neighbor)If the kids needed something brought to school I would bring it and still do with 5 kids in school they need something each day.My wife works all different shifts so alot of times she has already left for work or just getting home in the morning but she spends quality time with her kids we go on a vacation each year with the kids plus we have a 5th wheel camper so we camp some also.My wife and I go on a trip about 2 times a year (I need my time with my bride) My wife 's job pays for lots of extra's plus medical insurance she makes around $70,000 a year so yes my wife's pay really helps.She supports my ranching dream in more ways than one.she's my Sugar MAMA.
 

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