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Troubled Feelings

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Team1roper

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I had a 4-h (clean cut and good kid)highschool kid bring some marijana to a 4-h meeting
after the meeting my 2 sons (elementary and jr high) went to our barn to feed the animals, this kid while waiting on his parents went with them.

a few days later my son received a phone call and my wife not knowing the children were answering the phone picked up at the same time
this kid asked my son how he liked trying marijana.
my wife came to me with this immediately and we talked our son to death and punished him with restrictions. and continueing to talk to him and remind him of his mistake .
I also called the other parent and talked to them
I voiced my concern of this is the first time offense and i think this was there first time to stray into this territory and could be handled without destroying eveything for the child such as loosing 4-h which has been very good for this boy and other activities where the kids are a good influence on him.

I found out today his father beat him black and blue
with black eyes and scratches

I know this boy tried or succeeded in influencing my son but no kid needs to be beat like this in my eyes.

I feel like i did something wrong
all the 4-h kids i treat as my own and would take any of them in a heartbeat.


I just needed to tell someone thanks for listening
 
You did the right thing in letting the other parents know about this. You also handled it very well with your kid. A beating for smoking pot seems harsh in my mind, but this harsh treatment makes me wonder what this boys family life is like, I know you said he is a clean cut good kid but could he be trying the drugs to escape from something more serious at home? I wonder if it would be worth a chat with the boy about getting help if there is a problem in the home? I know people hate to butt their noses in when it comes to someone elses kids but a nosing could be what this boy is looking for, sometimes they just need a trusting ear to lay their troubles on.
 
Spanking is one thing...A beating with Black and Blue eyes? BULLSHIP...

OK, I tried to clean that up..But I feel strongly. If truly blackened eyes, I feel this is abuse. If someone abused an animal like this, hopefully, they would be turned in....Is a child worth not at least the same consideration?

Feeling wrong...Don't. Sometimes doing the right thing has repricutions we don't like, but know you took the right first step. The parents reaction was not predictable...


This child is being abused and liely part of why he seeks other escapes,

My Opinion, take it for what it is worth,

PPRM
 
Sad deal but you approached the matter as a sane parent. Just a thought, if I was you, I'd approach the boy in private and tell him you are there for him if he ever needs to confide in anyone. When my highschool daughter was teaching Bible School years ago, she was confronted with an abused child who confided in her. She seen the remains of the abuse. She turned the situation over to authorities who in turned investigated the matter. The small child was told by an older brother that he could trust our daughter to take care of him at school. It did turn out to be horrific abuse.
 
Sometimes those clean cut kids will surprise you with the problems they have and sometimes there is a reason for it too... I knew a lot of kids growing up who I would hear parents and teachers saying how good of kids they were and I knew they were doing coke and pot on the weekends and were all alcoholics by the time they were 17...

I think you did the right thing.. I don't think the punching a kid in the face was an approbriate response ( And I know a few parents who have done that as well, including breaking a kids nose and tossing one off a second story balcony (Thank god the kid landed in a pool).. No one ever did anything to these parents and the more stories I hear about these men I learn a few others 1) If they are hitting kids they are hitting spouses 2) If you hear one story there are 20 you never hear.

Best bet is to pull the kid aside and talk to him if you have the chance.. Hard decision to butt in but sometimes you just have too..
 
Are you 100% sure that this kid got beat up as bad as you've heard? Hearsay gets blown out of proportion in a hurry, you need to verify. If a high schooler gave my grade schooler an illegal drug (maybe next time someone might sell him a joint laced with pcp) it would be very tempting to save his father the trouble of kicking his ass.
 
:( This whole story is sad...your sons lucky enough to have a dad who will talk to him not beat him up...it wasn't your fault,the father WAY over reacted :mad: I'm at a loss for words,no child should EVER be beat up by a parent,home is a childs safe place. :(
 
Too late now but if this kid was a high school you could have talked to him yourself....man to man and maybe avoided the whole " train wreck" deal.


Maybe something to remember for next time cause kids will be kids and there will be a next time. Just keep ALL communication open between your kids and their friends.
 
I say if the kid was in high school, and he gave your younger kids pot, he deserved the black eye. What kind of person gives a kid in ele. school pot! :mad:
 
I feel like i did something wrong
Click to expand...

You Did! - My first call would be to CPS to turn the Father In - a Beating Is WRONG under any …

I had a Friend/"Drug Counciler" - When his older son (then16) was found to have Drugs he had some of his THUGS beat him to within an inch of his life and Bragged about it. He said that his son could cost him this JOB!

Last winter his son (#2) was found with Drugs - he was found the next day Beaten to Death under a nearby bridge.

I am taking heat from (so Called) friends because I told the story to San Jose PD.

I feel like i did something wrong in not reporting the first story when I heard it.

I agree with everything else you did. I would call CPS. I would also tell CPS (or his mother) that I might/would take the boy in (Only if you do not think he would be a {-} influence on Your kids)

Sometimes We Just Have to Step-Up

Note:
Your kids will see you Step-UP :)
 
I had to give this some thought, so I thought about it all day long.

I believe you did the very right of right. The kid's parents needed to know their kids had access to marijuana and were introducing it to others. Man, at a 4-H meeting????? I think they (the boy) was asking to be caught.

You have no control over the parents of the kid introducing the pot to your son and his punishment. After the fact and finding out the kid was beat black and blue I would have called in Child Protective Services (do you have something similar?) and turned the parents in.

There is pain and repurcussions turning parents in to any service to protect kids. That's just life.

As you and I know, beatings don't teach a kid anything, other than anger.

You took care of your son, and you did it well. Keep a good eye on him. We've been there/done that.

Of course you are going to feel bad, it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

Take care and continue doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Maybe the parents of the kid were supplying him with the marijuana. Maybe the kid got beat because he "got caught" which will make them likely to get caught for having the marijuana in the first place. Just a thought. :?
 
So this kid must have shown up at school with black eyes...and scratches from his father (?)....and nothing happened, no authorities were called?
 
I just might of skipped the middleman-I had a nephew that was getting out of line in highschool-no drugs just a bad mouth. I told him one more F. U and I'd deal with it. He tried it and I did. On my 40th birthday he gave me a card thanking me for not being afraid to teach him a hard lesson. Not saying the kids Dad should of gave him such a licking but maybe something was. I don't know the people involved so hard to judge this case but I know of a few guys I grew up with could of used less talk and more action.Too many kids today have no fear of any consequences and act out accordingly-you handled it better than I probably would of for sure.
 
Amen NR Amen! This kids dad just did him a favor! I dont have any kids so I cant honestly say what I would do, but if some idiot sold my little brother drugs, he would be praying to let his parents deal with him instead of me.

You did the right thing. Dont feel bad at all. The first time he will try to sell pot, next time he might try to sell your kids something worse.
 
Teamroper, My two cents worth is that maybe the fact that your son didn't step up to the plate and say NO means maybe you should be talking more about peer pressure at home... You know the line every parent has said:"If you're friends would jump off a bridge would you?" My mom's famous words...
And if you didn't actually see the kid all bruised up..Then who knows if it is true... YOu must know the truth before you act...
 
Everyone
thank you for your support
I haven't seen the kid lately but my resources are usually accurate and I also know the boys father and would not put it past him.
I also have no problem using the wood shed per say on a boy that thinks he is a man at age 16 on up but not to beat him black and blue, my oldest picked his day to show dad he was grown up and he didn't win and dad never even hit him with a fist, so i agree with you guys beating the child wasn't called for. and as far as talking to my other kids bout peer preasure that is ongoing in our house since we are 4-h leaders and all types of people walk through our doors.
we try to teach everyone is equal no matter who they are and what they like but doesn't mean we have to be like them to be cool.
my wife and I explained to our son if he would have walked away and came to us things would have turned out a lot better for everyone.

folks thanks again for your post and your advice
like I told my wife al we can do is pray and do our best to do what is right
The lord will pick my path
 
I can't say that I "know for certain" how I would have reacted in your situation. But I think you handled it with a cool level headed approach.

Too bad the other boys parents didn't do the same thang. A beatin black n blue I don't think would do much good to turn him around. Might only make him rebel further on down the line even more.

But....however, I might have concidered turnin him into authorities. Sometimes at that age, the best thing for them is to sleep a night in the county lock up. And pay the consequenses. Skeer the crap out of him so to speak. Make him do community service at a drug rehab unit or somethin. Open his eyes to where that path leads that he started out on.
 
Soapweed said:
Maybe the parents of the kid were supplying him with the marijuana. Maybe the kid got beat because he "got caught" which will make them likely to get caught for having the marijuana in the first place. Just a thought. :?
Click to expand...
I agree :cry: Turn them in for beating the kid~I believe in spankings,handspats,and such,but black eyes and bruses are too much..
 

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