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Women beware!!!

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ranchwife

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Subject: Theft from women


This is hilarious! After reading it I did an extra 2 miles on the
treadmill!!


I know this happened to me but hopefully you will all be careful and this
won't happen to you!!


This is a heads up to those friends who haven't experienced it yet, and an
explanation to those friends and family who have.

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were
stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an
urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years
ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with
someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who
would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I
resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was
next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new
rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my
original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear
complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts
would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning
I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of
my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a
time. How clever and how fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed,
something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without
warning.

In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?

My eyes began to remind people that they needed to buy a new pair of Hush
Puppies. My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey
it now resembled.

That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical
profession by myself. Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee.

That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they
are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect
someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you?

I think I finally found my thighs ... and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a
really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS.

P.S I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was
lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to
see that they were just hiding in my pajama bottoms. Now I keep them hidden
in my waistband.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
If my body was a car...

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as
a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have
split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all
belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood!

Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not
counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my
odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the
last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up
close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are
stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns
inefficiently. But here's the worst of it--almost every time I sneeze,
cough or sputter.....my radiator leaks!
 

Mike

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katrina said:
:D :D :D Yeah, wait till ya tie your breast in your shoe strings and NOT know it... :shock:

Katrina, Thats the funniest damn thing I've ever heard! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

ranchwife

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katrina said:
:D :D :D Yeah, wait till ya tie your breast in your shoe strings and NOT know it... :shock:

absolutely hilarious....at least for right now....have not yet reached that point but i know i will not think it funny at the time!! :wink: :wink:
 

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