• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

Divorce

Help Support Ranchers.net:

Nothing wrong with being sappy, you just speak the truth. I know many men, especially the ones in this family that I married into, who don't realize a kind word can go a long ways. They're more for yelling and talking down to, to make their point come across. I, myself, have been on the receiving end of the harsh words more times than I can count, and the more I'm yelled at, the less I'm loving. Even explaining how they want things done can turn into a full-fledged war. If it's explained calmly and rationally, I understand a whole lot more, and the chances are good that I'll get it right the first time. The word "divorce" is very scary. I have thought it would be the right thing to do, also (still do), and actually, maybe sometimes it IS the best thing to do.
 
Pure looks like you were conselled by the best! Bernie stands for down home,good religious values,family first,way it should be!Bernie played hockey with Forestburg senior team years ago when Shane was young,used to love when Forestburg played Viking and Bernie came up against Lee Laskosky.....Bernie more then held his own,where Shane gets his talent from. Like wife says marriage takes work but end outcome is worth it
 
I"m not sayin that's always the case, but if you have "mom and dad" to look up to and know they've had hard times and watched them work it out, you tend to learn from that.
Click to expand...
Well I can say that I know someone who came from a family that NEVER had Divorce in it. Parents married this year 45 years grandparents this summer 70 YES 70 years. Grandparents on motherside married for 50 when one died at 69.
Why was the one from a "broken" home the one fighting the hardest and trying for 3 years to make the other one fall back in love ????????

Im sorry but if you have NEVER been touched by Divorce you need to only offer support and a ear for them to vent. Anything else can be viewed as you rubbing thier nose in what they could not do.
It does no good telling them what they could have had if they had been more like you. Untill you have walked where they walk.................
 
Old cowboy buddy of mine got bucked off several years ago and broke both arms- his wife took care of him and the place...Told me you really don't know what true love is until you have both arms in full casts and need to go to the bathroom.. :wink:
 
I, too, have seen ALL sides of the divorce issue....i was a child of divorce (and subsequently never really had a relationship with my biological "mishap") at the age of 4, yet luckily my mom remarried a wonderful man who is my "dad".....I, however, did not learn from the mistakes of my mother....I thought i knew it all when i was 17 years old and got married and had a baby by the time I was 18.....before our first born was even on the ground, I found myself at the receiving end of his angry, immature FISTS!!! :cry: I cannot even recall the number of beatings nor the various "reasons" he had for using me as his "outlet for anger"!! After 2 beautiful children were brought into our ugly marriage and 7 years of physical and emotional abuse, I finally found the strength to divorce him!!! I honestly thought that my kids would "easily adjust....after all, they are still so very young" :roll: Despite having met a wonderful man 11 years ago who has since raised all of our children equally and loving them as though they were his own, my 2 oldest still bear the "scars" of the divorce!! Divorce is never easy on kids, despite counseling, loving parents (on both sides), etc!! I have never bad-mouthed the kids' father, yet I know that his family has often said rather ugly things about me and my husband and that has taken its toll on my kids!! All i can suggest is to TRY and keep things amicable.....for the kids' sake and for the sake of your own dignity!! Luckily, my Jesse has come from a family that also does NOT believe in divorce!! "Forever" means just that....FOREVER!! Through thick and thin....better or worse....sickness and in health!!! Lord knows that he and i have seen all of the above! I thank God every day for someone who truly knows how to hang in there and has talked me outta walking away on more than 1 (or 2 or 10) occassion!! :D
 
V_Key's Mother had a habit of voiceing only her side to anyone that would lession - - a lot of it by eMail - many of her friends were better friends of mine (?) so I heard of it.

She loves to send eMail to every one she knowns.

I copied all her eMail addresses off an eMail she sent V_Key - - I developed a very enlighting Letter and sent it + all the addresses I had to her with the threat to eMail that letter to all her friends ;)

Things have been very quite for a year or so!
 
Never say whoa in a tight spot,got me through 27 years of marriage.No judgement,you gotta fight for it but its worth the fight.
 
My third wife woke up in the middle of the night to find that I was not in the bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs to look for me and found me sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of me. I was in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watched as I wiped a tear from my eye and took a sip of my coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispered as she stepped into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

I looked up from my coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" I asked solemnly.

My wife was touched to tears thinking that I am so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replied.

I paused. The words weren't coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," she said, lowering herself into a chair beside me.

I continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years'?"

"I remember that too," she replied softly.

I wiped another tear from my cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

Now I told you that story to tell you this.

My first wife left me after a few short years - leaving me with three beautiful kids to raise by myself from still being in diapers until their teen years when I remarried. The second wife had emotional problems and problems with the kids and left me, taking my fourth son and moving in with her new boyfriend (didn't work out too well for her and she left him as well). My newest wife is my partner in all things. We spend hours just talking and planning. Now, I've hidden my thoughts and emotions within for years and am just now learning to open up with her. She is supportive and caring.

Divorce is never easy - as marriage is never easy. You have to work at marriage to make it work. I've learned that you either have a problem, are a problem, or live with a problem. You have to learn to be a problem solver - no matter what the problem may be.

Lawyers and judges don't care. They get paid regardless of the ruling or outcome. They are not the answer.

Kids don't ask to be brought into this world and should never be forced to choose or take sides. Bad-mouthing a former spouse in front of the kids only adds to their confusion. If the person is really that bad, learning to hold your tongue and waiting until they are old enough to make their own decision about the person is the best response. Never intentionally lie to the kid to make yourself look better. They will see right through it. Remember, when talking about an ex-spouse, you are only giving your kid one side of the argument.
 
my 2 oldest still bear the "scars" of the divorce!! Divorce is never easy on kids, despite counseling, loving parents (on both sides), etc!! I have never bad-mouthed the kids' father, yet I know that his family has often said rather ugly things about me and my husband and that has taken its toll on my kids!!
Click to expand...

Are you sure ranchwife that the scars they bear are NOT from being in an abusive home? Being told lies they KNOW about you and having to choose, maybe in thier minds who to show love to?
Your very couragous in leaving that situation and very lucky to find a man willing to raise yalls children as his own ...Yes i called them yalls he is as much thier father as the man who fathered them. Any male can father a child it takes a Man to be a Dad.
You keep taking the high road you will reap many rewards. As for helping your children ...once they become able to know the difference they are in control of changing who they are and what baggage they hold on to. Same as us we have to choose everyday do we lash out of and become victims or do we stand up hold our breath and keep moving toward becoming the best we can.
 
MsSage said:
my 2 oldest still bear the "scars" of the divorce!! Divorce is never easy on kids, despite counseling, loving parents (on both sides), etc!! I have never bad-mouthed the kids' father, yet I know that his family has often said rather ugly things about me and my husband and that has taken its toll on my kids!!
Click to expand...

Are you sure ranchwife that the scars they bear are NOT from being in an abusive home? Being told lies they KNOW about you and having to choose, maybe in thier minds who to show love to?
Your very couragous in leaving that situation and very lucky to find a man willing to raise yalls children as his own ...Yes i called them yalls he is as much thier father as the man who fathered them. Any male can father a child it takes a Man to be a Dad.
You keep taking the high road you will reap many rewards. As for helping your children ...once they become able to know the difference they are in control of changing who they are and what baggage they hold on to. Same as us we have to choose everyday do we lash out of and become victims or do we stand up hold our breath and keep moving toward becoming the best we can.
Click to expand...

the worst thing i can recall of my marriage to the kids' Father was when my oldest (now 18 years old) came out of his room at 1 in the morning and found his father beating me in the kitchen.....I was a mess and there is blood everywhere!!! When i close my eyes, i can still hear Jon scream for his mama!!! I can still see the look of terror in his eyes and the look of pure hatred when he looked at his father!! I feel guilty for having stayed as long as i did...i honestly believed in "til death do us part" and thought that it would be better for my kids to stay in our "family" than to have us split!!
I am indeed blessed with my jesse!! My children fell in love with him almost quicker than I did! They still love him and (just as important) they trust and respect him!! He has never hurt me or them and has never made them feel as though they did not belong!!! He has never tried to come between them and their father....only to shield them from their father's negative influence!!
Divorce is tough on kids, but the bad affects can be lessened with love and with both parents agreeing to certain "rules"....especially the rule of NO BAD-MOUTHING THE OTHER PARENT!!! My beautiful children have learned the truth!!
 
Casa, ranchwife, all of you , I feel for each of you and your trials and tribulations. I tooo had them as did Hanta. I would urge anyone that is having a hard time to read Dr. Laura's book, "Proper care and feeding of husbands". Even for men it is eye opening, quit blaming everything on each other and take the blame once in awhile, nobody is perfect and everyone has some faults. Too many of us got married to the wrong person that we thought we could change and everything will work out. WRONG. To put up with Adultery, Abuse or Addiction is wrong, but little things can be overcome. Ranchwife put up with abuse, Hanta put up with addiction, I put up with adultery, abuse and addiction and I am a better person for having to deal with it even though I am from a family that does not know what divorce even means.
 
sw, I agree with you, my ex sold drugs,he called stimulance, but they were drugs just the same. It wasn't until a few years after I divorced him that I found out he had cheated too. But what can you expect when his dad was verbally abusive and sexually to his own daughters. I am just glad and praise God that I am out of that and found a good man for eternity. :wink: :!:
 
I've always known that I am a lucky person, but reading all of this has sure made that clear.
 
Nicky said:
I've always known that I am a lucky person, but reading all of this has sure made that clear.
Click to expand...

Soooo true, Nicky. After seeing so much crazy stuff in situations like this, I'm thinking I'm very lucky to be single! I suppose I should never say never, but at my age I'm gonna be damn tough for any woman to get close to, much less get papers on! :D :lol:
 
I guess I should've made that clear that I am lucky to be married to my husband :wink: Will be 15 years this summer.
 

Latest posts

Top